In loving memory of my beloved wife

I was awakened by a phone call and somehow it was a call which worth to be awaken.

There was nothing special on this Christmas. It was merely another day of rest. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the thought of friends for an afternoon tea times for a short gathering for "blowing water" (cantonese: which mean nonsense talks)

Today is the eve of the 2008 Christmas. The kids are with grand parents for some form of gathering holiday celebration. They always enjoy the party or gathering.

I, however did not have plan of any outing on this eve. I just wish to be at home quietly doing some of my personaly stuffs. Sometimes the best times did not need to be grand and with noisy function. I do not know if I am really growing elder as I started avoiding noisy venue.

Tonight, I will have the CD player turn on with Kenny G saxyphone music as accompany.

Today is the Winter Soltis, it is an important date for most Chinese. It also symbolized the spring will be only around 1 month away. All lifes will be re-energized after 1 month when the Spring Festival arrived.

This year would mark the first Winter Soltis without you. However, I did not remembered previously how did we spend this date, but all I ever know was we were together althought no celebration or prayer session. The kids are with their grand parents as they are always overjoyed at the old hut. And so I granted two nights of "vacations" to them while I were at Ipoh.

At night I tried some of the first of my life... 1) walking without objective at the mall 2) finished reading a book in 15 minutes 3) bought two music CD and listened to them. The feeling was strange but I am getting adapted to it soon.

As a matter of fact, I burst into tears again at 2am when hearing some songs. But I could soon regain the control but I promised myself that I would not forget you. Earlier, I had a thought. I decided that whenever I buy a new car, the first drive, I will be with you. I will drive the car with you. The seat will be for you at the first drive.

The kids are back home and the house is again filled with their laughters and cheers. Without you car, the car porch became abnormaly spacious with only a car. The new year is soon approaching and another 20 days it would year 2009 and the eve of 2008, we were at the "Padang Ipoh Besar" awaiting for the fireworks (although it was actually held at Green Town Field) but we were having some fun of walking on the field with the fireworks far away with two of the kids.

I believed this year, I will again to the the field with the two kids and withness the arrival of new year. Pls join us, dear.

Today marked the 100-day memorial for you (althought I calculated it was only 93 days). There wasn't any big and fancy arrangement but a simple prayer session. I did not find the 100-day any different to me as I always believed you are with me as I carried your spirit. I knew and understood what would be you want to do even if you were to be with us.

You would like the kids to be in good health, study good, behave well, grow up and settle down with own family. I will carry out these duty. I will. Please do not worry. It would be similar as what I had mentioned to you and you heard it right. "I will take good care of them. With me around, you do not need to worry of the kids. Even if I were not to be around, I would have the arrangement for them" They are our princes.

Today I also made an important decision. I decided to sell off the car you had been driving. I hope you will agree to it. If you do not, please signal me and I will know.

Dear, do you remember the plant that I have at the front of the gate. It is a type of "bird of paradise" and it has not been having flowers ever since it last blossom after it was brought to the house. It is now showing up a sight of flower. It is a good sight and I hope you will see and it will symbolize you are on heaven peacefully forever. I really believed you are. Dear, I love you.

Today was identified as the eve of the 100-days of your departure. In tradition, 100-days meant a significant cycle turnover. I do not know what it will be specifically. I would instead wanted to know how do you do now.

Soo King, how are you? I want you to know that everyone of us still remember you and we are doing good. Please do not worry us and we will promise to take good care of ourselves. I still miss you and you are still the only one who can influence me to cry...

Will you see me tonight?