In loving memory of my beloved wife

Upset for the almost whole afternoon till now. And yet still not feeling any better. I also do not know the true reason behind the upset but I just feel blue and upset. I believed my face was not looked shiny and friendly at all.

Something has changed!

It was a usual night and so I had my dinner at sis's place. What really concern me was that the little one informed me again (twice in a week) that he dream of you. You were reminding him to go to the school and be a good little boy. He also mentioned you were in pink and green suit. I asked him if you were doing fine and so he replied yes. I did really hope you are doing great. I reminded him, however if next time he dream about you, please ask why you did not want to come to my dream!

I started to have date. And so I tried. The fortune teller once told me that I would have second wife and I did not understand how. And so now I realized that it really meant I would lost you then met another one. Of course, I do not believe anyone would be able to replace you and I am not looking for one. Everyone is unique and individual.

I would however still felt the loneliness and loss of you. I confessed that I would still cry for you.

How are you now, SooKing

The little one had a sport day today and he was really looking for this event. I had him to the field at 8.05am and he was energetic towards the sport event. The event did not start till 9.10am and he was waiting anxiously. It was really a great event as I could see some humorous acts from the innocent kids. Their acts were so natural and innocence. It was really nice for being a kid.

After an hour, it was the event of the little one. I could see his anxiety and he could really run fast and accomplish the task easily. After all, his team won for being completed the race earlier. We then left the field and headed toward your area for paying you a visit. After all, the kids had not been seeing you for at least 3 weeks.

At return to home, I started feeling giddy and only could help myself by resting on bed. It was fortunate that the kids were just playing with toys at their room and so I could take the short time to nap. Unknowingly, the flu really got me and made him slept till 6pm and the condition worsen. I called my sis and had the kids away so to avoid cross infection to them.

I was then declared down with flu.

This morning, I had made another first trial.. Haha, seem like a lot of first trial nowaday. Yes, I had the hill walk this morning. I woke up at 6.05am and picked a friend heading to the Menglembu hill. It was somehow, embarassing that on the way, i needed to stop the car at Caltex to let go something before the journey up the hill started. It was already 7.05am when we finally ready to walk up the hill. It was a refreshing hill walking as the journey to the almost top took us around 30 minutes when I was already exhausted. It was a great excersize although tiring for me. I would definitely make this as regular weekly excersize. I shall come here again next Sunday. I would be looking for a higher reach of the hill next week.

At evening, I drove to Lawan Kuda for a dinner. It was meant for my uncle. It was another great eat out at this famous restaurant. The kids again were the one blowing the candles. I returned home feeling a bit giddy and cold. I knew myself had caught a cold at the night before as I already felt the impact ever at the morning, but perhaps the morning exercise had delay the effect to be surfaced to be felt. I then buried myself in blanket hoping to warm up.

Today was a scheduled leave and so I thought I could wake up later. But instead, I almost forgotten that I would need to have the elde to the school at before 7am. I remembered the wake up time although I was reluctantly raising my body from the bed. Post the transportation, I cleaned up the filthy fish tank, in preparation of a golden arowana fish. I really wish it will last long as it would really mark the first in my life to keep a golen arowana. Although my family members have been keeping arowana even I was just 8 years old. Those time I could still remembered to hunt for lizard as the prey of the arowana. I also remembered that every 1 or 2 days, my father would drive us to a friend home which housed more than 10 arowana fishes. I could remembered still that a single one would cost a few thousand or ten of thousand...

Then I had a quick breakfast drink with friend before going to the phone accessories wholesale store for some accessories. Those items were really cheap and I must say it here as I am also taking the price advantage for profit. At least this is the life of mechandizing.

I also had the phone bill settled as it had amounted to over RM300. It was really only 1 month bill and I would need to seek way to reduce the cost of calling and sms. Next I spent another RM200 ++ for the car servicing. I indeed had skipped once but I could not let go for skipping the second service as it already drove at least more than 10,000 km. It was really not the money but the duration of waiting the service that would kill me. I wasted at least two and half hours. Before returning home, I had my hairs trimmed with a new style. This would also mark the first time I am having a different hairs style. I believed you would never believe I have this hairs style...

On night of 4/18, we had a simple gathering for my daddy's 70th birthday. It was really simple as we even prepared not enough food for the guests. I had a whole roasted pork to the guests and it was a great one as it was eaten while it was still hot.

Times fly, my father is 70 and I am also fast approaching 40... I believed the next celebration on the line will be the mother day in May. Let's have another fun with gathering.

It is 214. 2.14 or February 14. It is a date for lovers. And coincidently, today also the 4/14 as black valentine day. A date meant for single like me now.

Along the driving way home, I remembered that I indeed had message over the air to you before. It was in 1997 sometimes after you had discharged from hospital. I believed we manage to hear the message throught the DJ before entering to your bro's house. I still remember it required fax in at 03-4439988. I did the fax when I went back to the office with you inside my car. You were not expected at all and smiled happily when heard the message through the air.

If I fax in now for a song dedication to some one speical, would one really can help?

In evening, the niece called informing me that she had an accident. The accident was that she drove on the other side of the lane and eventually hit by a lorry. The car was damaged somehow slightly according to her at the back. I did not have any chance to inspect the damage yet but the car definitely can be repaired.

I was not in good mood somehow in the night. It was really not because of the damage to the car or anybody else's fault. It was really myself. I just somehow found myself burdensome nowaday. And so I called myself monster.

At 11.30pm, the little one complained about stomachace and PM a few times within a hour. Normally he would not have complain if he could take the pain. I worried and so brought him to the so called "Specialist Hospital" (one of the prestigous hospital in Ipoh) for immediate medical consultation. It was never a pleasant experience to deal with those so called health care service provider... and this time, it turned out to be true again and history repeated for itself...

Upon arrival, I hugged the little one to the emergency bay. The nurse just stared at me and asked me why. I said he had stomachache etc. She did not even bother to ask me to have the kid to the bay for examination, but instead asked me to fill up a form. Having this, I immediately had my anger on and replied loudly "What type of emergency service is this. you only bother for paper work while not even bother to look at the patient .." The nurse was emotionless and insisted me to fill up the form and asked me the little one is elder or younger or how many kids. I wrote on the paper 2. She asked again and I replied " You do not know how to read number is it? Isn't this is 2?" Another nurse came to help with asking me to have the little one weighted. Then I was directed to have the little one to the sick bay for examination. I looked around and there was only the little one and another Indian kid. So I timed to see when would the little one be attended to. And so the little one was attended to within 3 minutes. This was still ok... but the doctor behaviour and "professionism" really questionable.. He started asking a lot of questions (as usual, the diagnosis of doctor only is ask) blablabla..and when he asked "Does he has fever?" I silent and he asked again. I said "How do I know now? You are a doctor, isn't it you are going to tell me or use a thermometer to check?" He turned and murmured to his nurse and I teased him why not using a thermometer to check now! And he became inpatience and threw his patient record pad and seeing this I told him I would file an official complaint to his administration for this rudeness. Then he changed and started having some "diagnosis" on the little one. Then he walked away without telling me anything.

Later, he asked what did I want to do?I was really shocked with his "suggestion" I teased with replying that "isn't that a doctor must advice and tell the patient what to do instead of the patient informed the doctor to do something?" Then he said to have medication and I answered fine. I paid and left this so call health care service provider. This was just another unpleasant encounter with the medical staffs and I remembered this was the same doctor. Shame on you! Doctor

I would never give face to the health care service provider as nowaday it is so commercialized and they do not serve the community with heart. I acknowledged they would face hundred of different patients. but if you cannot do the job, then please do not do it and do not call yourself nurse and doctor. Shame on you!

i will write a letter of complaint to the hospital.

Nurse and Doctor, it is the psychological manner you will need to offer to the patients. With your sincere attention, the patients would feel better even thought the psychological assistants may not help curing the illness. Shame on you...

It was Saturday night when I had the movie "Fast and Furious 4". I, however did not find this was a good movie, simply because it fancied about the driving speed and heroin act of fast driving vehicles and stereotyping of "sexiest ladies with cars" I would only watch it as mean of leisure but not finding it bringing any value of life to its audients.

During the movie, I heard blowing whistle whenever some sporty cars were screened. It really seem that guys are really enjoying and acknowledging such heroin acts of speedy driving instead of safe driving. I did not reject the idea of great cars, but not for a mean of youngster as a way to show off how speedy they could drive on road.

Prior to the screen of this movie, the preview of "terminator and transformer" seem interesting enough to have myself return for these two movies. I will return to cinema for these two titles when they are on screen later. Let's hope it will be a great movie.

The poslaju center called me today informing I had a delivery. Althought I did not recall if I had made any purchase but I did suspect it would be the ipod nano 8G. It was really a redemption gift from Maybank. At lunch time, I arrived to the center and my guess turned out to be reality.

I normally did not listen to songs. And so this ipod could be ended up in my drawer or be a gift to a friend of mine. I just want to have good use of the ipod especially someone who works extensively around the clock and would definitely require some blessing from the songs to re-fresh.

The alarm broke the early morning awaking me from the sleep. Today I would need to have a visit to the grand parents rest area and I really wish I could deliver the message. I had begged them to have you look after. With this visit and praying, I did really hope so at least there would be some accompany for you.

The cycle took 5 hours and by the time, I returned to home, it was already 1pm and so I have the afternoon nap. Today was really productive.

At the lunch time, I went to visit you. I did not have any place to go for this lunch hour and did not feel like eating and as such, I just drove to have a short stay with you. Upon, arrival, there was another praying session and I could see that there was again a butterfly flying around. I remembered it would be the the same with a butterfly for your session. Is it true that the spirit can disguise into this form during the praying session. I did not know!

Today, I had mentioned something to you and I would need to attend to an important get together. I will see you again next week. Btw, I had decided to attend the yearly Ching Ming to my grand-grand parents althought it was somehow against the tradition as I was told not suppose to do so. I insisted as I would like to inform my grand-grand parents to take care of you as you are my wife. After all, this is my wish to my grand grand parents! please help to take care of Soo King, your grand grand daughter-inlaw