Day 9 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Saturday, September 13, 2008 comments (1)


Every night before I go to sleep, I placed your frame of photo beside me; in hope if I awaken at midnight I can see your photo which I will mistaken as you are back with me. I even wanted to try having your clothes beside but I do not want to scare Wei Yang on doing so. Wei Yang claimed "seeing" you studying at front the glass table in your favourite red T-shirt. He said you "vanished" on seeing him.. Soo King, why you still have not come to my dream yet and I have so much to express to you.
Today is the eve of mid autumn festival which supposedly meant for family reunion. How do I face this loneliness without having you around? Last year, we had the moon watching session at the car porch, enjoying the chinese teas, lit on candles on floor and lantern...What do I do for all this coming mid autumn festival without you!
I tried to locate our love letters which you had been keeping for 18 years, but I could locate nothing. I also realized that there are numerous items I cannot locate including the honenymoon photo. I did not know how to find all these now but most importantly my life would be messed without you!
Everyone keeps telling me life goes on and I do know about this. I am trying but nobody knows how painful it will be to forget or temporarily forget about you who had been with me for 18 years. Half of my life! How do I forget you who had accompanied me for half of my life! I'd lost interests in all of the activities I used to enjoy before. Soo King, will you come to my dream tonight?

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Day 8 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Friday, September 12, 2008 comments (1)



I am still crying now and then thinking back all the memories with Soo King and the suffers she had gone through. I am still terribly missing without Soo King around and accompany. I started to lock myself inside the room and afraid of going out. I afraid of my uncontrolled emotion as the tears can fall out at any times seeing matters which may related to Soo King. I do not know when I can get over these loneliness without Soo King beside me..
I may be the one who cause this unexpected trauma as Soo King did not get a well medication treatment for her heart failure. I could have insisted on best cardiologist and early surgery instead of adhering to the doctor treatment with diurectics, digoxin and warfarin along with several more medication. The fluid accumulation at lung and liver had indeed induced great pains to Soo King and causing her night coughs, back pain and sleepness. I could do nothing to help her releasing these pains except with giving massages at her back. I can only padding on her forehead to give her relief although I knew it did not help much. These were all I could deliver. I would want to massage you and pad on your forehead till you fall asleep; just like what we did when we were at IJN in early August 2008. I will never get tired of doing so to chat with you all night long with old memories.. I knew you enjoyed hearing all these and with me by your side.
I could still feed her with cereal and milo when Soo King was still at CCU at 7.30am. She could still briefly chat with me and repeatedly asked me to get her bean curbs but I had ignored this which appeared as her last request... At 10am, doctor informed me the worst as Soo King could not survive for the next few hours. I dashed into the CCU and Soo King already in artifial respiration aids and in unconscious state. My tears could not be controlled at these moment seeing my dear suffering. There was even little more I could do except holding on her hands and padding on her forehead. I talked quite a lot in front of her but I did not know if Soo King could hear them.

At 2.33pm, it was raining outside the CCU and I was beside Soo King as the last moment had finally arrived. Her heart beats became so irregular and I remembered saying my last words to Soo King in which could be heard. "Soo King, I, your husband is at your side and do not worry as I will take care of the kids" and amazingly, I saw Soo King nodding his head twice before she became unconscious again. She was leaving me forever...

How do I get through one night without you as I had to live without you now
What kind of life would that be for me?
Soo King, do you know that you're my world, my heart, my soul
and with you leave, you have taken away everything good in my life
Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky, there would be no love in my life, there'd be no world left for me
I wish I can tell you once more and more that how much I really really love you..


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1997 Our Marriage

Voice of KM Chong Thursday, September 11, 2008 comments (0)




Finally, we united through our marriage ceremony on 14/12/1997. There would not be distance between us. I could still remember Soo King on the first day post the ceremony, she woke up so early to get ready the "washing water" for my parents and me (as tradition of Chinese where the wife and daughter-in law must wakes up prior to husband and parent-in law to get ready the face washing water as a sign of respect)

As a matter of fact, we prepared the wedding all through our own saved up funds without requesting any supports from both of our parents. I remembered we spent around RM18000 for this wedding and Soo King was married to me with our own earned funds. We did not manage to go for an oversea honeymoon but instead we could only spent a few nights at Langkawi and Genting Highlands but we were happy being together without bothering a grand ceremony and wealth funded honeymoon. (I must declared I owe you for this honey as I did not manage to offer you a grand ceremony and honeymoon)

There was a song I sang specially for Soo King at the ceremony and she would remember this for life. The song was made popular by Jacky Cheung with title of "My Last Name is Your Name" 我的姓氏,你的名字. She could only smiles watching me singing this song as Soo King was overjoyed accompany me throughout the singing. How I wish you could hear me singing this song again to you. Can you hear I am singing again NOW!

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1992 - 1996 Our Love Journey and Engagement

Voice of KM Chong comments (1)

Our Love Stories


Soo King and I had been dating once a week at weekend during her studies at BM. I would cross the Penang bridge with my old motorcycle to fetch her from the college hostel. We ride around to Mengkuang Dam, Kulim, round Penang island, stopped at food courts and hawkers center for local delights. Although we did not have great source of income yet and only possessed to have a motorcycle and could only date at the weekend, but I did remember it was the wonderful days and nights with Soo King accompanying me all the while. How do I go through all these daily routine life without you now! I will be driving alone now on..

We did not have mobile phone to contact each other, but we knew what time we would meet. Soo King would always look through the windows checking for my arrival with the motorcycle. It was these linkage that bonded us for our life journey. It is now make me realized that to be happy, it does not require to be rich or wealthy; as long as there are loves and with the one you loved, it would be the most happiest moments. I, however tends to forget these recently with the chase of materialistic wealth. I realized now but Soo King would never be with me again to share all our happiest moments, events or any achievements I am gonna to establish for you. I missed you so much, King my wife.

One of the unforgettable events took place on Soo King's birthday in 1993. We were riding the bike with foods going back to the house for a small celebration with all my house mates. It was raining heavily. Extremely heavy! Soo King was hugging tightly to me at my back and reminding me continuously to ride slowly or stop at roadside. However, I insisted on the ride to reach home. Thus, the journey made both of us deeply soaked with rains. It was really a heavy rain and seems like a test to us for our unity. We managed to reach home safely although we were totally all wet. At that night, we rommanced with our first love making. We did not have the first love making planned or inside a grand hotel room with roses etc, but the rommance and sentiment with Soo King superseded all these. Soo King was my first and so as I being the first man to Soo King. Soo King would be proclaimed as my wife as early as 1993. Soo King would always stare at me at early morning with her unforgettable eyes-staring appearance and we made loves. There were so many tiny little sweet moments including we queued for nasi kandar at roadside, counting stars at Gurney Drive, cooking session, "tong sui" at night as supper at Jelutong, movies, shopping etc. Soo King would know how to hug me at back while riding if I commented cold. It was a special hugs that only both of us would know and there would be no other will be able to do the same now. We did still remember this hug till now during our last motorcycle ride in 2008 after 15 years later. How do I go along now when I ride a motorcycle again...

The completion of her training forced Soo King to be posted to Grik as teacher in 1995. But this had not forced us to be departed as I would take the bus to Grik. It was not a straight bus trip from Penang to Grik. I would need to change at least three times to reach Grik and the journey would be around 2 - 3 hours. We would meet once or twice monthly and whenever I was in Grik, Soo King would bring home the lunch. I would be just staying inside her room like a little shy boy. She even teased me that it was like she was keeping me as pet. Soo king bought her first car (Kancil ACU3484) in 1996 and I was the first lucky man to have this car drove all the way from Kampar to Grik to deliver to my dear Soo King. She tested drive the same road from Grik town to the school (Indeed the school located in a quite a remoted area of Grik) again and again. We were even stopped by police at the bridge (a check point) as they were seeing this car going through and fore a few times in a hour (Soo King was trying to familiar the car and route). I also remembered that I washed the car for her at the roadside and she angry with me for doing so. At that time, I did not know why but as times go by, I understand and I knew she precious me and did not want me to trouble myself for the wash.


Soo King would always call me at my friend house as I was staying in university's hostel. In one of the evening, I was informed by the friend that Soo King fainted and hospitalized. I called back to the house lord and found that Soo King was doing good although nobody knew why Soo king fainted. I traveled to Grik the next day. She had been discharged earlier from the district hospital without a good diagnosis results of her condition but requested us to follow up at GH Ipoh. It was later uncovered that Soo King had quite a serious stroke incident which caused by mitral valve degeneration. It was really fortunate that Soo King could regain consciousness the next day. She was then hospitalized at GH for three weeks. I was preparing the final year last few papers examination but still manage to visit Soo King twice everyday. I started to observe that her left arm was not as sensitive as before as well as she would be slightly slower in communication post the events. These were so heart piercing painful knowing Soo King suffered such illness. She was referred to IJN since then for treatment of the mitral valve issue. I proposed for engagement in June 1996 when Soo King was recovering. I would never regret for making this propose and I would do it again if I were to choose again. Soo King, you will be still my Soo King no matter what you would be either in good health or bad.

Soo King was admitted to IJN in late 1996 to prepare for heart operation and she needed to make a critical decision! She would need to choose between a plastic valve or tissue valve as replacement of the failed mitral valve. There was a significant different between these two valves as choosing the plastic valve, Soo King would be require to be on Warfarin permanently (which may not be good for giving birth) while the tissue valve would allow her to establish her siblings and family without taking Warfarin. Soo King, however did not have this decision discussed with me prior to the consent signature of choice of valve to IJN. She chose tissue valve as she wanted to give birth for my baby and establish a family with me. "I want to give birth to our baby and raise our family!" I was greatly touched on hearing this although I did argue with her as she would be risking her life for raising a family as the tissue valve would require another surgery 10 years or so later. She insisted and it was a successful surgery. I remembered immediately after the surgery, Soo King awaken but still weak to talk. She wrote on my hand that she felt hot and wanted a fan. The ICU room is air conditioned and all I could do was using both of my palms to fan my Soo King before the nurse chased me off. Soo King would always remember this and always teased me good for "batu api". (I would always want to take care of you and be your man of guardian even though I need to use my palms to fan you. Soo King, I always do) We had our marriage in 1997 after she fully recovered. Our two hearts finally united with our not so grand but yet meaningful marriage ceremony in 14/12/1997.

There were so many choices between Soo King and I but yet we still determined the other as the life partners. The fate really brought us together. From unknown to known; From Singapore to Penang; From Grik to Ipoh; From unconscious to Mitral Valve Replacement; From friend to husband and wife, our fate had been determined. Soo King, you are my wife!

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