In loving memory of my beloved wife

I am still crying now and then thinking back all the memories with Soo King and the suffers she had gone through. I am still terribly missing without Soo King around and accompany. I started to lock myself inside the room and afraid of going out. I afraid of my uncontrolled emotion as the tears can fall out at any times seeing matters which may related to Soo King. I do not know when I can get over these loneliness without Soo King beside me..

I may be the one who cause this unexpected trauma as Soo King did not get a well medication treatment for her heart failure. I could have insisted on best cardiologist and early surgery instead of adhering to the doctor treatment with diurectics, digoxin and warfarin along with several more medication. The fluid accumulation at lung and liver had indeed induced great pains to Soo King and causing her night coughs, back pain and sleepness. I could do nothing to help her releasing these pains except with giving massages at her back. I can only padding on her forehead to give her relief although I knew it did not help much. These were all I could deliver. I would want to massage you and pad on your forehead till you fall asleep; just like what we did when we were at IJN in early August 2008. I will never get tired of doing so to chat with you all night long with old memories.. I knew you enjoyed hearing all these and with me by your side.

I could still feed her with cereal and milo when Soo King was still at CCU at 7.30am. She could still briefly chat with me and repeatedly asked me to get her bean curbs but I had ignored this which appeared as her last request... At 10am, doctor informed me the worst as Soo King could not survive for the next few hours. I dashed into the CCU and Soo King already in artifial respiration aids and in unconscious state. My tears could not be controlled at these moment seeing my dear suffering. There was even little more I could do except holding on her hands and padding on her forehead. I talked quite a lot in front of her but I did not know if Soo King could hear them.

At 2.33pm, it was raining outside the CCU and I was beside Soo King as the last moment had finally arrived. Her heart beats became so irregular and I remembered saying my last words to Soo King in which could be heard. "Soo King, I, your husband is at your side and do not worry as I will take care of the kids" and amazingly, I saw Soo King nodding his head twice before she became unconscious again. She was leaving me forever...