In loving memory of my beloved wife

The little one has always exhibited some talent in innovation. This round, he demonstrate with his ability to create with lego. He innovented a beetle bug like figure from the lego and I kind of like it so much that I had it placed beside your protrait so y0u can see his art works.

They are fast asleep tonight as they were eagerly waiting to go for the holiday when the morning break later. The elder one has always requested to go to the hill top for fun and so we are going to the Genting soon. The Genting was also a trip for two of us.. We also had spent quite some repeated tours up there with concerns, gambles, theme park etc.

The elder one remembered that he always with you together and so he is asking you to come along and I will not reject this idea at all.

There after the trip, we will descent to KL for another day and I will make full use of this time to trade for a Macbook Alum at a specially bargain price. Tonight as well, I received the WWAN version of Dell Mini 9. This is the 2nd time I owned this model. Now is mainly because it has upgraded to SIM card broadband ready at an excellent price tag of RM1099. Indeed I had order three sets.

It is a great machine and i am looking forward to transform the mini 9 into MacMini with Mac OSX. I believed next monday i will load it with the different OS.

Somehow, I resumed my once forgotten hobby... PC setup, sales and service. Only different was that now is laptop and netbook centric. Indeed, for the the last 10 days of silence moment from blog, I was busy in this fun again.

I have 5 laptops and 1 Macbook with me at one time. The setup and installation of XP/ Vista indeed costed most of my times. Of all of course the setup of Vista on Macbook is the greatest joy of all. There is no IBM compatible Laptop really comes closed to Macbook. No... But, Bill I am sorry. I am in love with Mac.

Nevertheless, the beauty of the Macbook with dual system immediately drew attention from my friend who without hesitated forcefully grab my Macbook away and paid me on spot. I could only wave goodbye to the Mac... I was also bad enough to influence another friend of mine to indulge in the Macbook arena. This costed him ~RM4k and he proclaims great affinity of preference of Macbook over Windows. It was also fun that we teleconference to have the Macbook dual boot system with XP.

Now it left only two low end laptop at my room and I was still busy searching for the Mac...and a mac replacement. I am trying the installation of Mac OSX onto a laptop. The download will take another few days and I shall believe I could install the Mac OSX onto my new toy...the Dell Mini9. But first of all, I will need to upgrade it to 16G SSD. This will be the fun for the month of June.

I am also eyeing on Macbook Alum and Air...if not the price are over RM6k... i could have just spend then... But I am always cautious...

I had been away from the net for at least 10 days. Not online for MSN, Facebook, Blogging etc. All because of a white Mac issue. I fall in love in Mac!
I believed I was introduced to Apple when I was still a kid at around form 2 age. It was named as Macintosh and the design was so unique as it was the first time I was introduce to world of computing. Then after I do not have chance to have my hands on it till now. Wintel solution of PC was so much copycat and there is no such thing call design in PC world. Sony may be is another optional in PC world as it is still unique in some sense.
Well, I had been trying to get myself familiar with Leopard OS at my age. Install and reinstallation to experience the OS. Third party software and compare them to their PC cousins.
After 1 week, I will declare that Windows, you are really far far behind and I just avoid to comment about the hardware then.
Mac, it is a salute for me to you.

I will be back!

I began the week with a funny incident. I went to office as normal after the normal chores of having to the school and nursery. However, I was so careless that I did not bring the suitcase and the laptop to office. And so I was bare-handed for the morning. This also marked the first time where I am such absent minded. I could only amused myself for this.

It was also this Monday that I received a so called reminder letter from a legal firm that I am having a debt of over two thousand of unsettled phone bill. It was amazing as I was totally unaware of such bad debts. After visit to the telekom(another unpleasant event as it requested me to come back due to system hang...) and I was clear that it was the last phone which I did not cut off after the biz had been shifted handed to a friend. And so even the business eventually close-off, the friend did not cut off the service or bother to have the line cut off and so the monthly fixed cost would accumulate. The friend called me apologizing the incident but I could not agree anymore of resolving the matter with myself paying first the debts. I would first try to have the incident appeal for a reduction of payment if possible as of why telekom did not cut off the line even after 3 months or 6 months or a year after no usage of the phone. I would need the friend to pay me first with the last and final figure of debt. This Friday... I would return to the shop again and hopefully the system will not hang then.

It was also Monday that i added another mini laptop or netbook to my list.. it was the Toshiba NB100. But soon after, I still perfer my sony vaio p. and so it would be in the list of sale.

Tuesday, the elder said he would like to buy white carnition for you on the event of mother day. This reminded me that this sunday would be a day for mother. The kids remembered.

So, the mother of the kids, do you know that your kids remembered. I am still on and off testing their memory of you. They are and continue are having a good memory of you. The little one still is still drawing a family with members of four. One of them has long hairs and it is you, my sooking

It was still drizzling outside when I parked the car after sending the elder to school. It was too early yet for the little one to be awaken. And so I could not help myself but to rest lazy on the bed with the mini laptop on my dummy browsing the web. It was really convenience for me as the tiny lappy can rest on my dummy without feeling any weight. Cool!

All of sudden, I wanted to login to your gmail account... and so I did.

I cried.... when I read back the emails I sent you last year. You were not reading them and I did not know if you would be able to do so. I browsed further and I read those mails when I was at state in 2006. We seldom had email exchange as we lived in the same house...but now I missed these so much as these really served as my memory.

The eyes were filled with tears and I still feeling the same as you were just not around 8 months ago.

I may have a new life now and soon, but the memory of not having you around will not be as easy as simply pressing the delete key for me and I will not choose to forget. You are my dearest wife.

Thursday night, I drove to Penang on an occasion to help a friend of mine to move back from Pg back to Ipoh. It was not ill 8.45pm I reached the Penang bridge. I, however under estimated the traffic jam on the bridge. And of course, I had been out of the island since 2006 and there has been a lot of changes to Penang as well. I finally arrived at the hotel at 45minutes later before too late to meet Stephen. He was the usual one with "rocky" costume and punky hairs... nothing too much to describe him. We then headed to Gurney for our dinner (actually I was staying at G Hotel) before I shown him with my GF...Sony Vaio P. He recently bought a HP mini and it was clearly not a closed contender to Sony Vaio P. Finally, I have something fancy to show him and make him "depressed"

On Friday morning, I drove to his new home. And on the way, I must passed by our last home, Springfield. On the few last visit to Penang, I did not passby these areas... and immediately, all memories rushed back soaking my eyes with tears uncontrollably. Those were the times we spent at the apartment and surrounding, grocery buying, fisherman grill's dinner, char kaoyteow, chicken rice etc. You were always the one buying breakfast and some fresh vege on every Sunday while the elder and I were still on the bed. It was really painful to have these remembered!

I swifted my focus to reach Stephen's home and so I could divert my attention to his fancy self designed rennovation home. It was really a grand house with personal taste and likings. I admire the office area. Great job! If you were with me, you would be teasing Stephen similarly as I did. You basically share almost the same home liking as I did.

It was already 5pm before I reached Ipoh. Although I planned to have a nap as along the way, I was kind of a dead fish if there was a bed at front. However, the black Sony Xperia 1 really caught my attention, although it was 2nd time I used this phone. I flashed it to wm6.5 before finally I could take a 15-minute nap.

It was a nightmare Saturday as I would need to be at office for physical inventories audit. And the last experience of non stop 30 hours was not really a pleasant one. I also suffered badly with flu. It was however, a smooth audit with I walking out of the factory at 6pm. It was still an almost 10 hours task. Without OT...sob!

Sunday, a usual morning with household cleaning. It was not till 1pm before I declared ready for myself to go out comfortably without worrying the home was still messy. The memory of you seem to be more frequent back on this week. I really did not know why. So much so, the little one also mentioned twice in a week that he dream about you. One at sis house and another one at my parents' house. Why? you must be worry that we would forget you!

SooKing, no matter what and what changes to me and the kids, you remain as my wife and the mother of the lovely kids. And you will always and forever on my mind.

I remember

Upset for the almost whole afternoon till now. And yet still not feeling any better. I also do not know the true reason behind the upset but I just feel blue and upset. I believed my face was not looked shiny and friendly at all.

Something has changed!

It was a usual night and so I had my dinner at sis's place. What really concern me was that the little one informed me again (twice in a week) that he dream of you. You were reminding him to go to the school and be a good little boy. He also mentioned you were in pink and green suit. I asked him if you were doing fine and so he replied yes. I did really hope you are doing great. I reminded him, however if next time he dream about you, please ask why you did not want to come to my dream!

I started to have date. And so I tried. The fortune teller once told me that I would have second wife and I did not understand how. And so now I realized that it really meant I would lost you then met another one. Of course, I do not believe anyone would be able to replace you and I am not looking for one. Everyone is unique and individual.

I would however still felt the loneliness and loss of you. I confessed that I would still cry for you.

How are you now, SooKing

The little one had a sport day today and he was really looking for this event. I had him to the field at 8.05am and he was energetic towards the sport event. The event did not start till 9.10am and he was waiting anxiously. It was really a great event as I could see some humorous acts from the innocent kids. Their acts were so natural and innocence. It was really nice for being a kid.

After an hour, it was the event of the little one. I could see his anxiety and he could really run fast and accomplish the task easily. After all, his team won for being completed the race earlier. We then left the field and headed toward your area for paying you a visit. After all, the kids had not been seeing you for at least 3 weeks.

At return to home, I started feeling giddy and only could help myself by resting on bed. It was fortunate that the kids were just playing with toys at their room and so I could take the short time to nap. Unknowingly, the flu really got me and made him slept till 6pm and the condition worsen. I called my sis and had the kids away so to avoid cross infection to them.

I was then declared down with flu.

This morning, I had made another first trial.. Haha, seem like a lot of first trial nowaday. Yes, I had the hill walk this morning. I woke up at 6.05am and picked a friend heading to the Menglembu hill. It was somehow, embarassing that on the way, i needed to stop the car at Caltex to let go something before the journey up the hill started. It was already 7.05am when we finally ready to walk up the hill. It was a refreshing hill walking as the journey to the almost top took us around 30 minutes when I was already exhausted. It was a great excersize although tiring for me. I would definitely make this as regular weekly excersize. I shall come here again next Sunday. I would be looking for a higher reach of the hill next week.

At evening, I drove to Lawan Kuda for a dinner. It was meant for my uncle. It was another great eat out at this famous restaurant. The kids again were the one blowing the candles. I returned home feeling a bit giddy and cold. I knew myself had caught a cold at the night before as I already felt the impact ever at the morning, but perhaps the morning exercise had delay the effect to be surfaced to be felt. I then buried myself in blanket hoping to warm up.

Today was a scheduled leave and so I thought I could wake up later. But instead, I almost forgotten that I would need to have the elde to the school at before 7am. I remembered the wake up time although I was reluctantly raising my body from the bed. Post the transportation, I cleaned up the filthy fish tank, in preparation of a golden arowana fish. I really wish it will last long as it would really mark the first in my life to keep a golen arowana. Although my family members have been keeping arowana even I was just 8 years old. Those time I could still remembered to hunt for lizard as the prey of the arowana. I also remembered that every 1 or 2 days, my father would drive us to a friend home which housed more than 10 arowana fishes. I could remembered still that a single one would cost a few thousand or ten of thousand...

Then I had a quick breakfast drink with friend before going to the phone accessories wholesale store for some accessories. Those items were really cheap and I must say it here as I am also taking the price advantage for profit. At least this is the life of mechandizing.

I also had the phone bill settled as it had amounted to over RM300. It was really only 1 month bill and I would need to seek way to reduce the cost of calling and sms. Next I spent another RM200 ++ for the car servicing. I indeed had skipped once but I could not let go for skipping the second service as it already drove at least more than 10,000 km. It was really not the money but the duration of waiting the service that would kill me. I wasted at least two and half hours. Before returning home, I had my hairs trimmed with a new style. This would also mark the first time I am having a different hairs style. I believed you would never believe I have this hairs style...

On night of 4/18, we had a simple gathering for my daddy's 70th birthday. It was really simple as we even prepared not enough food for the guests. I had a whole roasted pork to the guests and it was a great one as it was eaten while it was still hot.

Times fly, my father is 70 and I am also fast approaching 40... I believed the next celebration on the line will be the mother day in May. Let's have another fun with gathering.

It is 214. 2.14 or February 14. It is a date for lovers. And coincidently, today also the 4/14 as black valentine day. A date meant for single like me now.

Along the driving way home, I remembered that I indeed had message over the air to you before. It was in 1997 sometimes after you had discharged from hospital. I believed we manage to hear the message throught the DJ before entering to your bro's house. I still remember it required fax in at 03-4439988. I did the fax when I went back to the office with you inside my car. You were not expected at all and smiled happily when heard the message through the air.

If I fax in now for a song dedication to some one speical, would one really can help?

In evening, the niece called informing me that she had an accident. The accident was that she drove on the other side of the lane and eventually hit by a lorry. The car was damaged somehow slightly according to her at the back. I did not have any chance to inspect the damage yet but the car definitely can be repaired.

I was not in good mood somehow in the night. It was really not because of the damage to the car or anybody else's fault. It was really myself. I just somehow found myself burdensome nowaday. And so I called myself monster.

At 11.30pm, the little one complained about stomachace and PM a few times within a hour. Normally he would not have complain if he could take the pain. I worried and so brought him to the so called "Specialist Hospital" (one of the prestigous hospital in Ipoh) for immediate medical consultation. It was never a pleasant experience to deal with those so called health care service provider... and this time, it turned out to be true again and history repeated for itself...

Upon arrival, I hugged the little one to the emergency bay. The nurse just stared at me and asked me why. I said he had stomachache etc. She did not even bother to ask me to have the kid to the bay for examination, but instead asked me to fill up a form. Having this, I immediately had my anger on and replied loudly "What type of emergency service is this. you only bother for paper work while not even bother to look at the patient .." The nurse was emotionless and insisted me to fill up the form and asked me the little one is elder or younger or how many kids. I wrote on the paper 2. She asked again and I replied " You do not know how to read number is it? Isn't this is 2?" Another nurse came to help with asking me to have the little one weighted. Then I was directed to have the little one to the sick bay for examination. I looked around and there was only the little one and another Indian kid. So I timed to see when would the little one be attended to. And so the little one was attended to within 3 minutes. This was still ok... but the doctor behaviour and "professionism" really questionable.. He started asking a lot of questions (as usual, the diagnosis of doctor only is ask) blablabla..and when he asked "Does he has fever?" I silent and he asked again. I said "How do I know now? You are a doctor, isn't it you are going to tell me or use a thermometer to check?" He turned and murmured to his nurse and I teased him why not using a thermometer to check now! And he became inpatience and threw his patient record pad and seeing this I told him I would file an official complaint to his administration for this rudeness. Then he changed and started having some "diagnosis" on the little one. Then he walked away without telling me anything.

Later, he asked what did I want to do?I was really shocked with his "suggestion" I teased with replying that "isn't that a doctor must advice and tell the patient what to do instead of the patient informed the doctor to do something?" Then he said to have medication and I answered fine. I paid and left this so call health care service provider. This was just another unpleasant encounter with the medical staffs and I remembered this was the same doctor. Shame on you! Doctor

I would never give face to the health care service provider as nowaday it is so commercialized and they do not serve the community with heart. I acknowledged they would face hundred of different patients. but if you cannot do the job, then please do not do it and do not call yourself nurse and doctor. Shame on you!

i will write a letter of complaint to the hospital.

Nurse and Doctor, it is the psychological manner you will need to offer to the patients. With your sincere attention, the patients would feel better even thought the psychological assistants may not help curing the illness. Shame on you...

It was Saturday night when I had the movie "Fast and Furious 4". I, however did not find this was a good movie, simply because it fancied about the driving speed and heroin act of fast driving vehicles and stereotyping of "sexiest ladies with cars" I would only watch it as mean of leisure but not finding it bringing any value of life to its audients.

During the movie, I heard blowing whistle whenever some sporty cars were screened. It really seem that guys are really enjoying and acknowledging such heroin acts of speedy driving instead of safe driving. I did not reject the idea of great cars, but not for a mean of youngster as a way to show off how speedy they could drive on road.

Prior to the screen of this movie, the preview of "terminator and transformer" seem interesting enough to have myself return for these two movies. I will return to cinema for these two titles when they are on screen later. Let's hope it will be a great movie.

The poslaju center called me today informing I had a delivery. Althought I did not recall if I had made any purchase but I did suspect it would be the ipod nano 8G. It was really a redemption gift from Maybank. At lunch time, I arrived to the center and my guess turned out to be reality.

I normally did not listen to songs. And so this ipod could be ended up in my drawer or be a gift to a friend of mine. I just want to have good use of the ipod especially someone who works extensively around the clock and would definitely require some blessing from the songs to re-fresh.

The alarm broke the early morning awaking me from the sleep. Today I would need to have a visit to the grand parents rest area and I really wish I could deliver the message. I had begged them to have you look after. With this visit and praying, I did really hope so at least there would be some accompany for you.

The cycle took 5 hours and by the time, I returned to home, it was already 1pm and so I have the afternoon nap. Today was really productive.

At the lunch time, I went to visit you. I did not have any place to go for this lunch hour and did not feel like eating and as such, I just drove to have a short stay with you. Upon, arrival, there was another praying session and I could see that there was again a butterfly flying around. I remembered it would be the the same with a butterfly for your session. Is it true that the spirit can disguise into this form during the praying session. I did not know!

Today, I had mentioned something to you and I would need to attend to an important get together. I will see you again next week. Btw, I had decided to attend the yearly Ching Ming to my grand-grand parents althought it was somehow against the tradition as I was told not suppose to do so. I insisted as I would like to inform my grand-grand parents to take care of you as you are my wife. After all, this is my wish to my grand grand parents! please help to take care of Soo King, your grand grand daughter-inlaw

At noon, on the way to fetch the little one from nursery, eye withnessed this accident and I captured the scene while passing by with my native phone camera. The car had over-driven to the center divider and stucked. I did not know, however eventually if the car could be driven again or require tolling assistance. Phew! I guessed it will reminded me of driving safely as recently I had been driven the car in a rather fast and furious manner. I would just pressed on the accelerator and squeezed through the jam... That was not at all my driving stuffs. I will shift back.

Without notice, it had been over 200 days. The weekend I requested a friend of mine to join me in a mid night movie. This would be the first movie after we last visit the cinema for movie. I could still remember the last movie we had was "Kung Fu Panda" in mid of 2008. It was indeed requested by the elder to have that moive and it was on your expenses. I was so stingy to have called you to confirm for the movie when you were attending for some school funtions in the Saturday afternoon. It was almost 1 year from now.

The mid night show went on smoothly without any disturb feeling. And so I believed may be I could one day have movie alone then.

I wish to have accompany but if it wasn't then I would need to familiarize with watching movies alone. Btw it was also so coincident that the left seat of mine during the moive was empthy. I had always wanted you to be seated at my left side and so it was empty now.

In the afternoon during the lunch hour, I drove purposely to TM to downgrade the Streamyx package. I had been using Streamyx since late 2005 till now ported from Penang to Ipoh on the RM88 1Mbps free modem package. It was however still require to service the monthly rental of RM26 ++ and so the total packaged cost will be at RM115.

I used to download 24 x 7 for movies when you are around as the movie were always your accompany and favourites during leisure. It was at least one thing I will do it daily for you to search and download the latest series. Now, it is required any longer as I seldom or do not watch these movie. And so, I decided to cut down the download speed from 1Mbps to 384Kbps for my night surfing and download. I believed it would still meet my demand. In contrast, the true benefit would be that I would save RM50 each month because of the change of package. Besides, if I calculate the electricity cost of almost 24 hours PC times per day for a month which will equal to approximate RM35 per month, then the total saving would transfer to RM85. Not bad!

At least I am making way and progress to cost save and avoid.

Nevertheless, the waiting to make this to reality really annoyed me. TM never improves the level of service to its client. I would praise for Immigration department for their fast passport processing as I renewed the international passport within half an hour including of waiting time. In comparison, the waiting duration for TM was 45 minutes althought there were really 4 of them in front of me. The actual process for the request to downgrade took on 3 minutes but I needed to wait for 15x longer. No longer I called Streamyx as Slowmyx!

This week, i had shopped for these 5 books and I wish I could at least finish half of them before end of March. After all the ambitious habit to have 2 books per month will be resumed.

I really wish I will be able to deliver.

The little one always fortunate as his birthday is closed to his dear aunt whose treats him like prince. His birthday always will get pre-arrangement. He is still the same one with happy face blowing the candles. I did not know if he will make a wish but I knew you will be smiling when you see him blowing the candles. His actual birthday will be on next tuesday and for sure I will need to find time to buy some candies to his fellow classmate at nursery. I remembered that you will be the one shopping around for candies and wrapping up in a gift form to distribute to the kids. This year, I will still have the tradition to continue but without wrapping. I remembered!

Last night was not a great night as I suffered with food poison and fever. The pro-longed sleeping made my back tremendously painful. Therefore, I woke up at 5+ and clearing up the messy rooms. I managed to diverted my attention without noticing I was actually had great pain at the forehead. The kids room was re-arranged with 2 laptops, 1 printer and 1 scanner. I really hope they will make full use of these tools instead of just watching pokemon from youtube or playing games. After all, I know you will like this arrangement to the kids although it is just some rearrangement without a color matching study table. Just that I am still looking for a piano for them and a place to house it soon.

I had earlier the night with steamboat BBQ and at the time of leaving, I started feeling stomach upset and my guess was right... I had food poison! At arrival to home, I went to the toilet twice with continuous purging. This really made me exhausted.

I tried to meditate to battle the pain which start to intensify at 11pm. Luckily I was able to go to sleep without bother the stomach upset feel. The purge continue throughout the night. The event reminded me of a similar night when we were at Medan where I also had the food poison and require injection at hotel. It never helped till I vomitted everything from the stomach at the night. It was almost similar but that was about 10 years ago with you taking care of me beside.

At morning, I still able to get up and went to office but the chill at office made me discomfort and forced me to leave office at 11am. After the medication, I was again luckly as I was able to get to sleep. I believed sleep and rest will help and here I am now. I am preparing for attending a dinner which meant for my sis birthday gathering. The little one birthday also around the corner. But I do not think we will have celebration instead of buying a cake or candy for the little one to distribute at his nursery.

It was unexpected that I would need to have leaves on Tuesday and Wednesday instead of the planned Thursday and Friday.Nevertheless, the plan to have the kids to have a rest at Penang never changed. We indeed spent a night at Penang.

First changes I could see is the extension of penang bridge which is now soon taking shape. I can see the third lane at the side. Next, I see changes of Queen Bay Mall with more international branding outlets. I still remembered when we visited it at late 2005 when it was first open, it was still half empty and we only spend less than half an hour. We did never return to this mall again even you actually spent another year in Penang when I shifted to Ipoh.

The night at the hotel was never an easy one as I could not sleep at all. The bed was comfortable and soft but yet I just could not fall into dream. It has not been the first time as I started observing I could not sleep at hotel with the kids around. Perhaps I was worry about the safety of the hotel. I do not know.

The kids however were overjoy. They are really enjoy the shopping and fishes. I believed next stop i will bring them will be Genting Highland. We also quite often go to Genting although you did not like the casino. I still remembered the "golden phrase" you had... " once you lost this RM10, let get back to room and sleept" then we laughed and left the casino.

On the way home this evening when passing by the famous Sam Tet primary school, i spotted a few of school buses picking the passengers. This is absolutely normal scene for Malaysian. But what made me sad was that, the pick up is not done at a road side or special bus stop, but instead directly on the road with the 3 feet or shorter pupils lined up to board on the bus while the busy vehicles are passing by just not more than half a feet away?

How could these bus operators have such type of attitude of "tak apa" as long as making money out of the passengers without any sense of safety. If these were the secondary students who can already take better care of themselves, although still risky, then i may curse the bus operators less...but these are not more than 10 years old pupils...

I will try passing by again tomorrow and take some images... This really require some attention of the relevant enforcement party. After all, human life should not be compromised. School bus operators, pls be more safety minded.

180 days marked the 6 months departure by now. It was not a short period but neither a long duration. But the changes could be drastic and dramatic. Things changed, I changed...I changed from with dummy with a slimmer dummy(great :)) I changed with some noticeable white hairs(bad)

Today and tonight was really emotional. The inner feel was easily influenced. After the kids were aslept, it would be me again for my time. Entire time and space belongs to me now and it seems to be too much and too empty. I could not help but to be reminded that I am alone.

Some one actually in earlier commented that I do not need to be purposely recorded down the feeling for how much I would miss my late wife. It goes on commented as if to disguise showing my love with self protraiting myself to be the greatest husband of all.

Well, I did not write down my progressive feeling just to "show off" or use as a way to bait other girls into my love. Although I do not reject if I were given chance to have a date, but I am absolute sure of that I do not need to self protrait with great rommance through showing how much I would love my late wife. I am sorry for the person who commented this and if there was anything that I had done to result such comment, I would apologize openly and wish the person in peaceful mind. Please do not live on with hatre and stick on the sad memory.

Nowaday, I hate the feeling of driving alone especially at night.. It really reminded me for being alone.

The little one dropped these sketch drawing. He said he wanted to let you see them And so, I scanned in here. If possible, please tell the little one he has draw some great sketches and we like them so much.

I have him convinced that he will draw more for further keeping as a part of growing up memory.

Tonight seem to be quite disturbed with two incidents

1) I received a letter from Takaful. It offered a "caring" note of the loss

2) a credit card statement from C-Bank.

Incident 2 was the one really made me to become a furious man...

I had terminated the credit card ever since you departed with fax in of the relevant documents to declare of the unavailability. And yet after 6 month, the "beggar" still issuing a statement with an active account. When I called again tonight, these were parts of the conversions which was so fantastic to me (B - bank, k -me)

B : sir, may i know what fax number you fax in the doc?

k : how do i remember after 6 months

B : but you will need to tell me which number you use for me to check!

k : ok, then pls tell when yesterday at 6pm who did you call and what number? If you able to tell me this for your yesterday event, i locate the fax number from my machine. Can you tell me the number you call then?

B : i do not remember

k : so?

B : then pls fax in again

k : why do i need to do it again as i had done the faxing 6 months ago?

B : can you pls leave me your contact number?

k : do you like me so much or love my raising voice so much that you miss me and want to call me? can you give me your mobile number so i can call you to follow up?

B : the mobile number is personal to me

k : then my number also private to me

B : then how do we check up with you

k : what are you checking and need to call me. Just close the account and resolve it with the doc. why do u need to call me as I am not your client

B :...

I know I am being in anger, but i really cannot help as they are really so so follow protocol..

No wonder C-bank in capter 11. it is indeed no better than other like CIxx bank

Last week I added two new gadgets while thinking to dispose off the existing monster laptop which bought in Feb 2008. It was bought at the eve of the CNY and we also had some quarrel over some matter on the occasion of reunion meal. I said next time I do not want to be so late for the reunion gathering meal... and yes I got it as I will never be late as I will be alone.

I had bought a mini laptop so as to use it whenever outdoor for web surfing. I also added a new gaming gadget for kids. This time is the Nintendo Wii. But after a while, the kids lost the interests and prompted me to re-deploy it soon.

I also thought of renovating the room, the masterbed room. I would like to have a custom floor sitting extended table just at the side the bed. After all, this will be my new workstation.

I am getting more and more careless. While reversing the car, I did not aware that there was a tree remain (which could not be viewed from the rear mirror) at back and thus hitting it resulted the entire bumper being pulled down and dropped off.

If this happened at night time, I could have blamed myself for not seeing in dark. However, this took place at noon time while the sun was at zenith of my head. At last, I need to manual "hang" it to the car with its original bracket still in place. When I drove the car to the Nissan service center, I was informed that they did not provide mudguard service as they only know how to change filter and replenish lubricant. Else nothing more... WTF? a service center without the capability to service the car?

Finally, I did it myself with trying to align the bumper with its right bracket and I hope it can survive for a few more days before I can locate the right service guy.

Another key lessons of the day

1) Cannot assume. Thing that does not see or cannot see, it really does not mean no hidden danger

2) A service center does not provide full car maintenance service but only filter and lubricant change

3) Always need to be resourceful and smart for work around.

What a bad day for me. I am definitely looking forward to dose off the car now!

At the moment of writing this blog, I had not been slept for more than 28 hours. This is due to the continuous "team building" through the physical inventories count. It was indeed a fun and good event to locate the parts inside the main store, receiving etc.

Team work is really the matter of success in such cycle count.

After this, I would like to have a good hot shower and rest for a few hours before I pick up the kids as I had not been seeing them for more than 48 hours..

I am truly upset with the progress of the political in my beloved country. There is just scandal after scandal without any offer of help to the country economy. Personal attack and privacy intrusion is everywhere.

Where is Malaysia moving to be? I want stable politic and healthy growth of economy. Am i asking too much?

These two days were quite disturbed. Not only because of the un-welcome uncertainty progress of work, i was also somehow bothered by some bitter sour comments. I truly understood the comment objective and everyone deserve one's right to choose his/her choice of method to handle some memory, be it some happy sweet memory or bitter sad rememberance.

But there is something I learned, one can never live in hatre. If one live in hatre, then whatever once used to be sweet memory will gigantisize to unforgettable pins in heart as it always bother. When there is no more love or affinition, whatever once used to be the sweetest moment turned to be the haunted curse.

This is true. When there is love, even the fart is smelled as sweet. When the love is gone, even honey will be tasted as bitter vomitting favour.

Bottomline, is how you treat others and think of other, you will get the same reaction. No one wants to be challenged or intruded.

Rest in peace. Nobody owe you something and you do not owe anyone anything. It takes two to tango. I hope I will always remember this learning.

2/14. Valentine day. It was a day crafted by business genius to seize profit by making full use of the event which suppose to mean for thoughts of the loved one. I can bet almost if not all business are grabbing this golden day for business. Restaurant and gifts & flower shops must be full of orders.

I did not buy you any flowers nor any gift when visiting you. I really hope you were not the same as of those who "greatly showing-off" with the gifts or flowers on their arms while walking meaninglessly inside the mall. I also could not remember if we did really celebrate any Valentine day. But every now and then, we were together without failure and I believed every moment of us together will be our valentine days.

At night, I had both kids as my accompany for the golden Valentine night. I informed the kids that tonight was Valentine nights and explain the meaning to them. And they gave me two rare questions which I choked on words to reply them... "why mommy is not with you?" "why you do not have a valentine?"

It took an extended moment to get us served with the orders although we were clever enough to dine at a normal "kopitiam". While waiting, the kids asked why there were so many dressed up girls and walking around. I followed their eyes and start observing... ya, there were quite a number of couples and the girls were "slightly" dressed up. It was a night for thoughts of the other half and I wish all couples will be granted with happiness and I wish the couples after tonight will understand more of the meaning of relationship and rommance. It was not meant as to show off with how exclusive the dinner was, how many flowers received, what gifts presented, what cars the guys are driving, how handsome is my boyfriend etc. Valentine means the thoughts of other half at any occasion.

I texted a few friends of mine and I was delighted as I was still manage to get responses.

After all, it was just another night without any special meaning without you around. But I will remember you have given me a special gift and I deeply know I was the one you fully in love. And I already have a great valentine. And she is you.

Thankyou my dear SooKing, my wife.

At the eve of Valentine, you "planned" a secret gift which delivered to me quietly. If I were given a choice, I would like you to be beside me instead of a gift.

I really appreciated your thoughts of me and our family.

I thought I had adapted and re-aligned without crying... After all, I am still crying. I miss you!

On the 15th of the Lunar calendar or the last day of the Chinese Spring Festival, I had a mistake of calling a friend. I did not aware of the time and thus shocking the person from sleep. I was then felt terribly sorry for waking up my friend. I was sorry for causing such trouble of awaking the person. I am sorry for the call and interruption.

At night, I was fortunately to have another friend accompany me with tea and chiness chess playing. It was indeed a relaxing night although disturb with some thoughts.

This week, I finally managed to align back my life as to be before your departure. Although there is still loneliness and uncomfortable (due to no companionship) but I found myself had begun adapting to this new life. After all, the only difficulty is that I do not need to "report" and thinking of this will always make me blue as if I myself was deserted.

I used to drink a glass of wine or two now at night. And more importantly, I wish I can have myself focus and re-invent my ambition.

There has been so many "notes" to me that I had lost the previous "arrogant" of me.

Am I really arrogant?

My dear, you were with me at the formation of new government in Perak state after the last election. And now not after a year later, a new government is to be formed with the different members who we had selected to be out of the state ruling agents.

This time around was due to a-three not worth to be named highly purely politicians of personal gain defection. Due to this defection, the goverment shift hand and we, Perakian are under the same group of ruling agents again after we voted them out of the DUN.

Defections are everwhere!

Today is a sad day as the plot used only tell us one thing. Personal gain is on top of every other mean

Democracy, rest in peace!

It was a quiet day and night after all, although I received some birthday greetings through SMS. Someone asked what would be my birthday wishes. I replied that there are no more wishes.

I would want to thank a friend who texted me at far with more than ten of thousands miles away. I also appreciated a friend who bought me a cake. I felt warm when some friends called me although I did not have chance to response.

There is at least a call I could never receive.

There is at least a call I could be receiving.

There is at least a call

So what would leave for wishes without this call.

It was the Chinese Spring Festival again or commonly known as Chinese New Year. It marked the arrival of the year of Ox. I started of the Ox year with another greatest shock of all.

The new year break did not seem to be a different days of all. Normally, the break also meant "resting and sleeping" occasions for me. I usually try to "hide" from the crowd of the new year break. It was the same for this year with only different of I was inside my room.

So, I pray to GOD for granting me an angel, who will be my real guardian. or may be my angel is looking from above with tears...

"It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here"

In the arms of the angel, fly away from here..

With a recommendation of a friend, I had brought the elder to a music school, accessing if he would be interested to have some times to be invested to musical learning. He was indeed nervous as this was the first session of an introduction. I could see him excited but really nervous.

I believed because of the influence of the passionate music tutor, he committed to start learning. I never learn music but I believed with the elder involvement, I would need to pick up some so as to accompany him as a continuous inspiring factor.

I also remembered you once commented wanted to have them to learn music and I hope you will be with the elder whenever he has his practise.

On last Friday night, at entering the house, my phone rang. Apparently it was a call to invite me for a drink at a local bar. HOUZ as the name of the bar. I said ok as I had nothing to do at home. And so I drove to the bar. On the way, there was a police road block and in my heart I said there was nothing wrong with my car and myself.

Nevertheless, the police blocked me and informed me I indeed had an expired roadtax. WTF? I forgot the car insurance and road tax expired on 1/1/2009 and I had been driving it without any coverage of insurance! This was really the first absent minded event for myself! How could I really forgot such simple task, i.e. to renew the road tax and insurance.

On this night also, I marked my birthday to the calendar of the iphone so as to remind my birthday. I also started to list down all the important day of event of myself and family. After all, I am the only only to remind myself now.

I had a minor car accident and I believed you knew the reason. I will need to beg your pardon on this. There was nothing wrong except I got too emotional. Only the car suffered but not me.

The start of new year does not seem to have any changes to me yet. I had some ambitions set and will push forward for them.

I also would like to have a full medical check after the Chinese New Year, perhaps sometimes in February. I will pray for nothing mentally or physically wrong as well.

Today is the new start of the year 2009. I had not been sleeping well on the eve of the new year. It was not due to any reason, but I was indeed disturbed by some matters which played in my heart and mind.

The eve also marked the last day of myself on this sorrow year. I wish I will be able to have face-off to begin the new year. I still remember the event and you. But instead, I would want this to be as an episode of my life which I will never forget but remain as my sweetest memory to have met you and married you. I remember!

The eve, I also "thick-skin" enough to have a "free" dinner on a frined of mine, with whose son 's birthday on the new year. I was also drunk some wine so it may help me to have some better sleep at night of the eve. Nevertheless, the wine never did the task. I was not going out anywhere on the eve after the dinner but to strict home and rest on bed. I could hear the fireworks even from my room and it marked the arrival of the new year. Will I be able to start the new year with a new hope? I do not know!

Haven't been able to sleep for the night, I woke up to have the morning walk for half an hour but having the iphone with Kenny-G together. After the walk, I would require to be at the phone booth as today also marked the opening day for the phone booth in a local mall. There were plentiful of people and the mall was kind of a busy haven, but my heart was not really on the phone business today eventhought it was a really important day for the business. I felt something missing and this really bother me.

I did not visit you today on this new year. Would you angry with me? But I believed you will understand as I had mentioned to you. Dear, do you?

I was awakened by a phone call and somehow it was a call which worth to be awaken.

There was nothing special on this Christmas. It was merely another day of rest. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the thought of friends for an afternoon tea times for a short gathering for "blowing water" (cantonese: which mean nonsense talks)

Today is the eve of the 2008 Christmas. The kids are with grand parents for some form of gathering holiday celebration. They always enjoy the party or gathering.

I, however did not have plan of any outing on this eve. I just wish to be at home quietly doing some of my personaly stuffs. Sometimes the best times did not need to be grand and with noisy function. I do not know if I am really growing elder as I started avoiding noisy venue.

Tonight, I will have the CD player turn on with Kenny G saxyphone music as accompany.

Today is the Winter Soltis, it is an important date for most Chinese. It also symbolized the spring will be only around 1 month away. All lifes will be re-energized after 1 month when the Spring Festival arrived.

This year would mark the first Winter Soltis without you. However, I did not remembered previously how did we spend this date, but all I ever know was we were together althought no celebration or prayer session. The kids are with their grand parents as they are always overjoyed at the old hut. And so I granted two nights of "vacations" to them while I were at Ipoh.

At night I tried some of the first of my life... 1) walking without objective at the mall 2) finished reading a book in 15 minutes 3) bought two music CD and listened to them. The feeling was strange but I am getting adapted to it soon.

As a matter of fact, I burst into tears again at 2am when hearing some songs. But I could soon regain the control but I promised myself that I would not forget you. Earlier, I had a thought. I decided that whenever I buy a new car, the first drive, I will be with you. I will drive the car with you. The seat will be for you at the first drive.

The kids are back home and the house is again filled with their laughters and cheers. Without you car, the car porch became abnormaly spacious with only a car. The new year is soon approaching and another 20 days it would year 2009 and the eve of 2008, we were at the "Padang Ipoh Besar" awaiting for the fireworks (although it was actually held at Green Town Field) but we were having some fun of walking on the field with the fireworks far away with two of the kids.

I believed this year, I will again to the the field with the two kids and withness the arrival of new year. Pls join us, dear.

Today marked the 100-day memorial for you (althought I calculated it was only 93 days). There wasn't any big and fancy arrangement but a simple prayer session. I did not find the 100-day any different to me as I always believed you are with me as I carried your spirit. I knew and understood what would be you want to do even if you were to be with us.

You would like the kids to be in good health, study good, behave well, grow up and settle down with own family. I will carry out these duty. I will. Please do not worry. It would be similar as what I had mentioned to you and you heard it right. "I will take good care of them. With me around, you do not need to worry of the kids. Even if I were not to be around, I would have the arrangement for them" They are our princes.

Today I also made an important decision. I decided to sell off the car you had been driving. I hope you will agree to it. If you do not, please signal me and I will know.

Dear, do you remember the plant that I have at the front of the gate. It is a type of "bird of paradise" and it has not been having flowers ever since it last blossom after it was brought to the house. It is now showing up a sight of flower. It is a good sight and I hope you will see and it will symbolize you are on heaven peacefully forever. I really believed you are. Dear, I love you.

Today was identified as the eve of the 100-days of your departure. In tradition, 100-days meant a significant cycle turnover. I do not know what it will be specifically. I would instead wanted to know how do you do now.

Soo King, how are you? I want you to know that everyone of us still remember you and we are doing good. Please do not worry us and we will promise to take good care of ourselves. I still miss you and you are still the only one who can influence me to cry...

Will you see me tonight?