In loving memory of my beloved wife

The kids and I woke up early as we were preparing for a trip to Penang. Indeed, the little one had been kept on asking when would we travel when I informed him that would have a trip up north on Sunday. I did not know why he was so eager on this trip. But as long as he liked the idea, I would be most relief. The elder remembered that he would had your handbag along when we were stepping out from the house. You will be with us wherever we would go.

We used the ferry to cross the straits as the little said he wanted to have the feels of surfing on the sea. The queue for the ferry was about 15 minutes but the fares were higher than using Penang bridge. The kids, however were overjoyed on the ferry as they could stand facing the blowing winds while watching the cruise. They were indeed hoping for a flying fish and jelly fishes as the last trip, they saw one or two flying fishes gliding on the surface of the sea and quite a number of jelly fishes. But they disappointed as there were no fishes.

We visited an old shopping center, the Pulau Tikus 1-Stop. Before arrival of Gurney, Prangin Mall and Queentown Mall, this used to be the center of attraction and we regularly visited this mall. The kids may not feel the meaning of re-visit this mall but I did. Even the abandon parking lot gave me some memory.. The kids quickly found their favourites, The Ben 10 accessories. And so the visit to this mall costed me more than RM100 for imitated Ben 10 accessories. There were quite a hunting for the kids as they were now having Ben 10 bag, pencil boxes, T-shirt, pants, cards etc. They also seized the joy with buying additional toys- Picachu! What a Ben 10 and Picachu!

We checked in the Traders Hotel at 2pm and I needed to choose at least a 3-stars hotel as the kids were complaining repeatedly for the last budget hotel in PJ. They even teased me for choosing the budget hotel. They were happy when checked-in as the hall and the room are spacious for them to run around. They judged if they would like the hotel by the space if they could run around freely! The little one later called his "friend" to the hotel room as he was promised for a toy. I must clarified that I DID never demand for the toy but the little one made the request. So, it was not my faulty. The friend arrived in his CRV and a Lego plane toy. The little one was overjoyed as he would follow his "stephen ko-ko" when we visited the Aquarium. They seem to be having some topics for chats after all. May be I was to serious daily so the kids felt pressure facing me. I must be trying to have another emotional adaptation.

We spent some times eating at the "new world". This was not a place I had visited as I never knew of this place. But, I believed you will like this spot as they were quite a number of your favourite foods selling here along with the 'modernized' coffee shop etc. The little one, however complained of his headache... and it was kind of warm for this body. He could have caught a fever or flu. We went back to the hotel room so as to allow some rests for the little one. He was sweating and the body heat was rising. At 12am, he vomited but he was still energetic with smiles and laughters. And so, i tried to make him to fall back to sleep again. But, he again vomited at 3am. Feeling the risk, we checked out and rushed back to Ipoh so can get some medication arrangement for him. Along the journey back, he vomited twice again with much shorter duration. We reached the hospital at 6am and the little one was admitted for close monitoring. When I am writing this blog at the hospital room, he is doing ok and playing his favourite games with his temperature controlled and had not had vomitting again since 5am. After all, as long as he is doing ok, it really does not matter if we will stay at hotel room or hospital room. Kids, you are really my world now!

I promised myself to fulfill my spare times(if I could have some after the household chores..) with reading, so as to make way to my goal of writing a book. I do not know when I would able to complete the book, but I would be able to control amount of books I could finished before I am well equipped for authoring my own book. As so, I had a simple goal to accomplish every 3 weeks. I would finish a book within 3 weeks and be able to summarize the cream of its contents.

Today I had the last and simple 7-days prayer session for you along with the kids and your parents. We reached your site at 8.30am and the kids' noise would definitely awake you as they were really kind of "playing" and plainly running around. I would not bother this.

I always rejected the Chinese burning culture, likes to "burn" the paper-made apparatus. But I had to follow somehow. I would not risk if these would really deliver to you. Nevertheless, I would not "burn" those fancy modern apparatus but to stick to the old ancients type with only "gold", "silver","notes","buddha writing".

The kids and I were late to the school and office as we were at the bank to have some arrangment of transactions. The visit to bank always an annoyed occassion as a simple process over the counter took us at least 1 hour. This is killing for my times...By the time, I had the little one to the nursery, it was already 11am and yet he was demanding for a glass of yogurt drinks before to get down from the car and this had caused me to return to the home to get his wishes fulfilled.

I was at the EPF counter when I received a call that the crafting had been ready and I could have this to be placed to your site. This would really mean I would need to return to your apartement site as I wish to have all of these done within today; especially it was your last 7-days period.Amazingly I did not complain for this late annoucement to me but I just wish to get it all completed within today.

Finally, I had the crafting setup for you. And I feel kind of relief as I had really wanted this to be done on or before the last 7-days. The next moment I would look forward would be the 100-days which I selected to be on 12/10 (Sunday). Dear, although this had concluded the stay-with-you for the first 49-days, I would not just not visit you during the lunch session. Whenever I would not feel like going out for lunch, I would still come here. After all, I would just meditate with you beside for 15 minutes to have myself re-charged. By the way, while waiting the crafting to be placed to your apartement, I spotted a butterfly flying intimately to me and eventually rested on the iron bar for a long while.

It was 2.30am while I was still awaked with both kids at side. I had no particular intention to stay late but just to try to get myself tired so I could sleep on the night of Saturday. I felt hungry and so decided to prepare instant noodles although I had tried to stay away from such type of food for the past three weeks. I went downstair and while I was cooking, I remembered I cooked you the same meal on the week before you were admitted. I also had a fried egg for you and this was the last meal I prepared for you. We chatted for a while especially on the idea of changing job and how to strengthen our financial status... You did not finish the meal but I found you were satisfied to go upstair while I cleaned up.

I am normally quite focus and stubborn while also decisive in our family. I will normally make changes to the family while you and the kids are adapting for the changes. I do not change with your suggestion although I will slowly make way for it. I am bad temper and do not allow challenge! But since then, I started to change.. my life style changed; my food changed; my emotion changed; I tried to mimick the way you brush your teeth; I tried to cook the way you prepare the food; I tried to think in the way you would be for the kids; I realized without you around, I will need to change to live on while I do not want to change to leave you out. I will not and you will be here inside my heart.

At morning, I brought the kids to the Taiping zoo as I had promised them earlier. It would be just a short trip and I remembered that we had this venue visited sometimes last year while you complained of the heat of the sun.. The kids were overjoyed with seeing animals. Wilson, however changed as he became frigthened with riding on the train except within my hug. He need some accompany. It was a nice trip although I was a bit sleepy. At evening, we went down to Kampar to parent and parent-in law house for some chats. The kids were again overjoyed with this arrangement. I believed we will have this nice gathering again. However, although kids enjoyed the session, I was indeed felt alone without you although I tried to disguised with smiles. Dear, I missed you still!

After sending both kids to the weekly drawing class, I started to pack your shoes for donation. There were sport shoes, high heels, sandals etc. All together, there were at least 4 pairs of sports shoes, 5 pairs of high heels, 3 pairs of sandals etc. Of all, the sports shoes would really catch my attentions as there were so much of memories with them as you would always put them on whenever we went out with the kids. Immediately, there were sores at my eyes and tears forced down unintentionally! I sobbed and ran to the kitchen to have my face washed. When I regained my emotion, I segregated all of yours shoes but I still wanted to keep 2 pairs of the Nike as they would remind me of you. I will feel hurt to have all gone... even for donation! Of all, there was a pair of Nike which I knew it would be always your favourite as it was the first pair of Nike that I bought for you and Weiyang on arrival to US in 2004. It was your first gift on the foreign land and you still have it kept in good shape while you were still wearing it weekly before you left us. I still reluctantly to let go the shoes..

Today the emotion recovered significantly. Partly due to the fact that I find no reason to have worry over the phone call except I still need to ensure more security observation and safety concerns. However, I had a sudden thought that still suddenly bother me. I found myself alone but I still have the two kids to accompany me. Would you be alone too as you may not have "friends" yet? But I believed with your character, you should not have issue mix and discover new "friends", right?

When I visitied you today, your apartment had put up your name. Finally, I could see your name at front of the apartment. I like your name to be in traditional Chinese fonts. There is, however still missing your photo and I hoped the tombstone crafter could deliver before end of this month. The kids said they will meditate while visiting you but they could not really sit still for more than one minute. They are so active all the while, so you do not need to worry. I will take good care of them.

SooKing, you had been with me for all the important events of my life, so how could I forget. How could I forget! But I forgotten along the way. I am terribly sorry for this. How could I!