Day 27 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Tuesday, September 30, 2008 comments (0)

It was never a better afternoon today as I was rather emotional. The thinking was wild whenever I was driving. I can lost a job but find another; My RM2.9k Omnia phone could be damaged and I could buy another one; Fruits inside the fridge could be replenished anytimes; But with you not arround, it was simply not replaceable. I could never find you again! No matter what advancement in telecommunication, I could still not reachable to you and talk to you except you come to my dream.
At night, the kids were requesting for a trip to KL. It would be my first trip without you. I do not know if I can manage it as I would always look for you for all the preparation. Although you always forgot a piece of two items needed at trip, like miss out once my pyjamas and comb or brushes ( I always teased you for this and since then you always remember) I will try, however. I will have you along by having your favourite hand bag to be travelling together with us tomorrow. We will go on for a trip tomorrow. Please remember to wake me up as well as the kids. Do not worry, I will take good care of them.

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Day 26 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Monday, September 29, 2008 comments (0)

As usual, I drove to see you at 12.30pm so I can 'meditate' beside you for 15 mintues before I return to office. I remembered I would never have tears whenever I visited you. But it was not today! I did not know why.. but the feeling of loss suddenly came back and filled up all of myself. I could not help myself but to allow emotional burst to cry in front of you! I thought I had controlled well and started adapting for not having you beside after 3 weeks plus. I thought.. I really thought I could.. but I surrendered again today. After sitting there quietly for 15 minutes, I believed I had regained the emotional control and so I left. But then again, the depression cripped back slowly while I was driving back. The tears again rushed down as I really felt the loneliness. There was a scene played in my mind... You had informed me that the kids said when they grew up, they will likely not staying together with us and I replied, dear never mind, I will be beside you... But the reality tell me now that I will be staying beside you alone and only can consume my life with memories on you. I was driving your car and I almost wanted to let go by clashing and so I could rest and see you. However, my conscious manage to steer me back to reality, making me realized that I still have an incompleted mission.
I knew then I have depression now!

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Our Family

Voice of KM Chong Sunday, September 28, 2008 comments (0)

You had been always reminding me to have a studio photo for our family and I remembered promising when we had times. I thought we always had times... Little do I know that we did not. I only manage to retrieve these collection as our best times together with our family. I hate myself for not capturing enough photo with you. But you will be embedded to my life long memory and I have been spending times daily to recall all these memories. I will start blogging our living together beginning since our marriage. These will accompany me forever.

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Wei Yang's computer art work

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This week, WeiYang shown me his first art works with PC drawing. I found them really nice and I would like to show you. He is really keen on the PC class. I still remembered when we had him pre-registered the class, we had an arguement as I need to back home to attend a conference call while you were trying to understand the contents and syllabus of the PC class. I had called you and threw tantrum and we rushed home. You were so patient that you did not argue with me but to have WeiYang drove to the center and had evaluated if this would be a right training for him.
I wish to inform you that Weiyang is showing some talents with PC artwork and I would like to share this to you. Soo King, you had made a right choice. Thanks!

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Day 25 After the event

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Today is 9/28 and at last I had decided to donate your clothings etc. to charity body. I had not fully packed all of them but still amounted to 6 boxes. All of them carried some forms of memories of us. I had, however reserved some which used to be your favourites. On the way to the charity, I mentioned to Weiyang that some of these kept must be cremated with me when I finally get a ticket to see you after I had accomplished the mission you have specially assigned to me.

I am not throwing all of your belongings but I would like them to be utilized by someone who will have better need. I believed you would agree to me. Although I have psychological and emotionally prepared for the donation but seeing the boxes unloaded to the charity body still made me cried. Along the way to seeing you, the tears flooded again and I still have not adapted the life without you.

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Day 23 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Saturday, September 27, 2008 comments (0)

I drove alone after sending the kids to drawing class. I had no end in mind where would I drive to. I had two hours break before I would need to pick them up again. Along the driving, I need to have a slight emergency brake... Immediately, I extended my left arm to guard you from the impulse of leaning forward. Only then I realized that I was driving alone and my arm touched only the air... I had been doing this ever since you sitting beside me whenever I am driving! I believed this had been my habit. Do I need to change?

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Day 20 & 21 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Thursday, September 25, 2008 comments (0)

Day 20


The little one past me this drawing at night. I asked him who are them? His little eyes stared at me and said they are daddy, mommy, WeiYang and himself. On hearing this, I could not hold my tears but to let them overflew... I went on asking him that who is mommy? He said he only has one mommy and she is you, Soo King. I am glad that he did remember you and your name clearly. He included you in the drawing as our family.

Day 21
... Today would really mark exactly 3 weeks since you left us. How fast the time passed! But I still could not really walk out from this yet. Although I could control the emotion better but I am still easily emotionally disturbed. This would be especially true whenever I was alone, either at office or driving alone. I hate this feeling of loneliness. I do, but I would never hate the feeling of missing you and having you flashed to my memory.

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Day 18 & 19 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Tuesday, September 23, 2008 comments (3)

Day 18

After sending the kids to nursery, I drove to locate the neccessaries items for the third 7days of yours. (it would be on 9/23/2008 although I did not understand why as no matter how I calculated tomorrow only your day 19 after which you departed!) The first item I was trying to locate was one of the cakes which always means for praying purpose. However, I had a great difficulty locating these as I did not know normally where would be the seller of these type of cakes. I drove to a few spots of morning market but could spot no sight of them. In my mind, I would always believe that if you were around, you would know where to get them without wasting times and efforts to look around. Finally, I needed to call up a local to find these cakes. At last, I found them in the Bercham market. Next those "burning utensils" could be easily located. I grabbed all of them and drove back to office and the clock already at 10am. I browsed through all the office emails but still could not really focus while my mood was bad. I did not know why but I believed I found myself cumbersome and losing self confidence. I went to see you before the lunch break started and I hope to re-gain some peaces in my mind so I could focus for the 2nd half of the day. Amazingly, a 15-minutes of quiet sitting beside you really had calmed my mind and made me feel much comfortable. I believed I am in need with some one to talk to sharing my feels and thoughts... but I wanted nobody except you! At night, the little one was telling me that he saw you in his dream..I did not know if I could believe what he said but I did really wish you at least have some times to me, please! But in the midnight, I woke up around 3am realizing I have a mission to be accomplished, i.e. to bring up your lovely kids. I will, my dear, I will. This is what I had promised you. I will remember and I will. They will be my princes!
Day 19
I could not really get back to sleep after 3am. I was virtually waiting the dawn to break so I could pack and visit you at 8am. I called your parents of this third-7day event and they arrived at 7.15am while I was still preparing the kids. Normally, if you know your parents were arriving, you would be always stay at the hall to make sure you would open up the auto gate before they even ring the door bell. I heard the door bell and so I realized you were not here anymore but I would need to "represent" you. Knowing this, I asked WeiYang to open up the auto gate while I get ready all the servings to the car. I brought the laptop together with the servings to the cementery as I wish you could read the blogs and most importantly I wanted to have the song to be played on this event. This was the song I sang to you on the night of our wedding. You would remember this. I am sure you will. I wish you could hear this again. I had encoded the song together with our life journey. It would remain forever on our memories. I cried when the song was playing. This was extremely painful as the song had to be played with me being alive alone now while you could not be at my side to withness and accompany me... I still in denial mode now!
I went to the related department to declare your properties.. and in the process, it induced another great pain to me... I did not know how to answer this... The person in charge (could have been forgotten that I was indeed filing up for you, who are my wife) asked me for an emergency contact. He said everyone must have emergency contact like wife... Only I realized again that I could not have you as my emergency contact. I choked on replies hearing this but I could really located nobody as my emergency contact. I held the tears! I am wondering why I need to be repeatedly reminded that I do not have you, who are my wife at my sides. Why!
從此以後 無憂無求 故事平淡但當中有你 已經足夠
(Now and forever, there will be no worry; The story is simple but with you accompany along, it is already the best part of it)
快樂童話像你我一對已經足夠
(The happy legend with you and me as a couple is well sufficient for all)
Why it only left me to walk the legend alone!! Why it must be me to walk on the legend alone. Do you know I need you beside me to walk on this legend. Please let me know that you are beside me and we walk on this legend. Soo King, will you!

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Day 17 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Sunday, September 21, 2008 comments (0)

Today I had filed up and completed the documentation of your properties. I would need to have all of these properties declared and demand for administration which then I can transfer the titles to our sons. It was not an easy filing as whenever I look at the "certificate of deceased", there would be heart pain.
It was also today that I understood that besides miss you, I realized the other reason why I still in this depressed mode. It was because I felt so sorry that you could not see the kids grew up, graduate, marry and settle down. I knew you wanted to see them achieving in their life but you were not there to withness. I felt so upset that you could not share their happiness.
The kids told me that they dreamed of you last night. They claimed seeing you chatting with them. I was so jealous as you still did not want to come to my dream yet.
It was raining outside now at 12.05am and similarly the day you left me forever also raining. At this circumstances, it reminded me I am alone...

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A journey of life with Soo King

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This brief video will summarize our love journey. This was the song I sang you on the wedding night...

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Day 16 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Saturday, September 20, 2008 comments (1)

It is the second Saturday. I could not sleep late as always I would be awaked at around 8am plus. Both kids are still asleep yet. They are by myside. It is so lonely inside this house. Every corners are filled with memories and items which remind me of you. I do not want to pack all these items as they will remind me of my lovely wife. I find myself with better control emotions now but I still want to have the feel of you around this house. I keep telling myself that you have just gone for a long term course at somewhere so remoted that I cannot contact you yet. You are around somewhere! I would meet you when I had completed the assignment and responsibility you wanted me to accomplish.
Today I washed WeiYang's school shoes for the first time and I remembered you always washing them while you were taking bath. How I know this? It was the white shoes shine residues that left on the tiles of the wash room. I would wash them off every weekend. But I cannot see such residues now! Dear, I cannot control my tears again now!! They just drip from my eyes again.

I also checked the last gmail chat between us... and it was dated back in April 2006 when I was preparing to fly home from US after 5 weeks business trip. I remembered I reached Penang on Sunday. You had picked me up at Penang Airport and we went to the Penang home before I took a bus to Ipoh on next Monday. I could still remember you sent me to the bus terminal at Sg Nibong where I needed to find toilet while you guard the luggages.. and it was really just like yesterday.
Soo King, when will i see you again! When I arrived then, will you pick me up as before...Gosh, I cannot write on further as the tears again flooded my eyes. I miss you..



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Day 15 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Friday, September 19, 2008 comments (0)



Today I did not cry. I am able to have some tease and joke. I start focus on my work although the concentration still stray aside with some thoughts. I still constantly have my eyes on your photo. Today I followed the grieving article guidance to send you an email. In the email, I had written the words I should be saying at front of you although I did mention them some times ago. But I just wish you could hear and read them again. I must apologize to you that I did not go visit you today as I was collecting the phone in hope I can retrieve the last photo of you...but the phone still cannot be turned on yet! I still cannot acquire your last snap of photo with kids! I am so sorry!
In yesterday meeting, I heard a great statement which I would remember for life. If we were to realize the statement, you could be still by my side now. "... when we are extending or stretching the lifespan of the design, we are typically increasing the probability of failure. No one will know when it will fail and it may not fail at all. There is only one person that know when it will definitely fail, The GOD!" I still blame myself on such. I still cannot let go on this matter of being responsible!

In the evening, I prepared the dinner for the kids.. It took me almost an hour to prepare a bowl of fried rices for the three of us. When you are around, I did not even need to bother what to cook but just to enjoy the meal you have prepared. I would just need to do the clean up. But more importantly, I did not enjoy the meal which I had prepared. I believed I missed the soup you had prepared!

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Day 14 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Thursday, September 18, 2008 comments (1)

Last night was the night of your "spiritual return" to home. It was calculated that you would be back home as early as 7pm, (the night not even in dark yet) and it was a sign that you miss home greatly and wanted to visit home as early as it will be possible.
There were dogs howling at after 6.30pm after I burnt the essent stick and lit the candle at front of the house (unfortunately the candle tripped itself and only lit for a while) The family were inside the room as per tradition but I was eager to go downstair to "see" you. But I did not go down as this is against the tradition and may "scare" you away.
At 8.30pm plus, I was on bed, there was a little morph came to my bed and flied for a while and when I tried to touch it, it vanished. Vanished! I could not find a trail of mark if I were "hit" the morph on the bed, but it was no where to be located inside the room. This was so real and I believed it was you. My logical thinking analyzed that it could not be living creature that can vanish by itself at front of my eyes without any meaning. From the bed to the escaping opening windows was at least 10 - 15 feets away, it could not be easily fly off without addition of my spotting. But I could find it nowhere. Either on the bed, at the walls or anyway inside the room. I believed you have come back to see me. I truly believed so.
At sleep, I dream of something really funny as there were rabbits talking to me although I could not remember what are the topics. The rabbits were as talk and as big as human. I had not had dream for these few nights but what was the meaning of this dream? I do not know... but what bother me is how are you now, Soo King? Are you in good shape? Are you still in pain? Are you angry with me for not taking great care to you? I do not have answeres for all these yet.. but ultimately I do miss you like before!

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Day 13 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Wednesday, September 17, 2008 comments (0)

I am still consuming with memories of yours.. Every weekday, you would awake me from sleep at 7am when you are getting ready to school. You always reminded me to wake up and get ready the kids to nursery. Occasionally, the little one will rush down and crying at the door for you to get him a bottle of milk or wanted to pass you the finished milk bottle. He knew when you would be leaving the house for school although he is just 4 years old. I always jealous for this as he will not be so close to me. I believed this would be one of your happiest moments as a mother.
I would commonly receive SMS from you at afternoon whenever there were parcel or delivery notes at home. I would not be receiving such SMS from you again! Every evening, you would have a nicely cooked dinner for me and you cooked the best soup of all. I remembered praising you at front for everyone as you cook well especially for soup. You prepared the soups as early as of 4pm so to get the best favours. I can only dream of the taste and favours now. These soups will forever remain as my memory of you too.
Today will be your virtual return and so I will cook a dish for you. I also remembered you enjoy my prepared dishes(although you would always complain that I spoiled the kitchen with oil and smokes. You also always teased me as of prepared the meals a little bit too salty) I will be the chef normally at weekend and we had this practised while we were in US. I only once or twice monthly preparing dishes for the kids and you when home at Malaysia. Today, I also have my weight measured and I slimmed down 4kg in these two weeks. I guess I can be the diet or slimming coach soon if I continue to lose weight. The dummy has been gone unexpectedly. I eat quite little now and do not take supper or junk food but only fruits. I also want to only take vegetables on every 1st and 15th of the lunar calender month. I want to have healthy diet.
Last night, I dream of feeding you cereal and milo (the last moments with you while you were conscious) and I could see your face clearly. I remembered you taking off the oxygen mask...

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Day 12 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Tuesday, September 16, 2008 comments (1)

Today, I can have some jokes but immediately after the joking, there was some sense of guilt. I do not know why but this had caused me the whole morning with heart pain and uncertainty as well as restless. This does not get better till I visited you at the cementery.


I started to worry I would forget your face instead of photo and I force myself to remember your smiling faces. I am so afraid to have the memory of you faded but instead needed to be reminded with your photo. I am so worry! I would remind my kids of their mother's name, characters, things that you did etc everyday. I am so afraid with the grew up, they will forget you! I believed I might know why I cannot let go yet. It is because we did not discuss yet about this type of living without each other and we did not get enough of chatting. However, please be assured that I will handle all for you although I will need to go through the saddest feels of all.

Since your departure, I started to put on back the watch that you presented to me some 10 years ago. I can still remember that you had taken the trouble to go thru and fore to the shop with fund withdrawal for the purchase. It did not cost much and I remembered it should be around RM250/= but you were earning as little as only RM1000/=. This was 1/4 of your monthly income and you have given me your most thoughtful gift of all. The watch is still functioning great. I have other watches in my drawer but this one will definitely have my full attention as a memory to you. The watch reminds me of our living together.

I also have your favourite watch together with my watches collection. I remembered you like this watch so much and it was your birthday gift of 2006. This year, however i did not manage to have any gift to you but to accompany you at the hospital. I did not even can sing the happy birthday song to you..and can sing no more for now! It was just like yesterday!
But you also have given me the greatest gift of all...our two kids. Thank you Soo King!

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I miss you, Soo King

Voice of KM Chong Monday, September 15, 2008 comments (1)

Words are not descriptive to express my loves to you and I miss you every single moments..

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Day 11 After the event

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I get back to office today as what I did last time. I drove your car to the office and fetching the kids to the day care centers. I waved them goodbye and re-assured them I shall pick them up from school at late evening. It is the same routine I did before you have gone.


At around 11am, I would ring you to wake you up reminding you the medication or to know whereabout you were. I can still call the same phone number, but no one was to answer my call now! This immediately induced an intense pain to the heart.

The finality of the loss of you permanently is more than I can bear. I find no joy in life anymore. I am constantly consumed with thoughts of our life together. Pictures, places, words, etc. etc. bring me to tears easily. I am weeping! I have never experienced anything like this emotionally, and I am still not prepared for or expected for the loss of you. I am still shock on your sudden loss.. being someone I had been with so long and supportive to my life, was suddenly GONE! I MISS YOU.




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Day 10 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Sunday, September 14, 2008 comments (0)


Today is Sunday and as regular I will have clean-up chores for wash rooms, floor mopping, vacuum etc. Normally, Soo King would still rest on bed and join me later. When I proceed to ground floor, Soo King would be tidying the bedsheet for kids and get ready the kids for brunch.

I am vacuuming the floor and I wish as usual Soo King will be stepping down to the dining area to help me.. but Soo King would never join me again! I also started to mention to Soo King if I am to go out, coming back to home, repeatedly assuring will take care of kids, requests for forgiveness etc. I do not know Soo King could hear but this started to become my habit now.

Soo King once said "I knew I would not be able to accompany you for long, and so I would want the two kids to accompany you so you do not feel loneliness.." Soo King, I felt it now. Without you, our family would not be completed. Why you want to treat me so nice and considerate only for me? And I do not cherish the moments with you. I do not realize we do not have time and I do not know! I only once realized when you were in recovery of depression. I were holding your hands while you try to get sleeps. You would call out my name whenever you have depression feels and I would console you by staying close to you and repeatedly padding on your forehead and mention that "nothing wrong, I am beside you". And you would feel re-assurance to get back to sleeps.I remembered we were holding hands and with my hand on your shoulder giving you assurance that I was beside you. It was sweet and I knew you loved every moment I stay close to you. When I bathed you on that Monday, my heart was so painful seeing you were so skinny.. But I forgot when you are in recovering and I forgot you still need me.

I forgot! I hate myself! And I do not even manage to retrieve and retain your last photo with kids while celebrating Wei Yang's 9th birthday on 8/23/2008. I hate myself!

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Day 9 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Saturday, September 13, 2008 comments (1)


Every night before I go to sleep, I placed your frame of photo beside me; in hope if I awaken at midnight I can see your photo which I will mistaken as you are back with me. I even wanted to try having your clothes beside but I do not want to scare Wei Yang on doing so. Wei Yang claimed "seeing" you studying at front the glass table in your favourite red T-shirt. He said you "vanished" on seeing him.. Soo King, why you still have not come to my dream yet and I have so much to express to you.
Today is the eve of mid autumn festival which supposedly meant for family reunion. How do I face this loneliness without having you around? Last year, we had the moon watching session at the car porch, enjoying the chinese teas, lit on candles on floor and lantern...What do I do for all this coming mid autumn festival without you!
I tried to locate our love letters which you had been keeping for 18 years, but I could locate nothing. I also realized that there are numerous items I cannot locate including the honenymoon photo. I did not know how to find all these now but most importantly my life would be messed without you!
Everyone keeps telling me life goes on and I do know about this. I am trying but nobody knows how painful it will be to forget or temporarily forget about you who had been with me for 18 years. Half of my life! How do I forget you who had accompanied me for half of my life! I'd lost interests in all of the activities I used to enjoy before. Soo King, will you come to my dream tonight?

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Day 8 After the event

Voice of KM Chong Friday, September 12, 2008 comments (1)



I am still crying now and then thinking back all the memories with Soo King and the suffers she had gone through. I am still terribly missing without Soo King around and accompany. I started to lock myself inside the room and afraid of going out. I afraid of my uncontrolled emotion as the tears can fall out at any times seeing matters which may related to Soo King. I do not know when I can get over these loneliness without Soo King beside me..
I may be the one who cause this unexpected trauma as Soo King did not get a well medication treatment for her heart failure. I could have insisted on best cardiologist and early surgery instead of adhering to the doctor treatment with diurectics, digoxin and warfarin along with several more medication. The fluid accumulation at lung and liver had indeed induced great pains to Soo King and causing her night coughs, back pain and sleepness. I could do nothing to help her releasing these pains except with giving massages at her back. I can only padding on her forehead to give her relief although I knew it did not help much. These were all I could deliver. I would want to massage you and pad on your forehead till you fall asleep; just like what we did when we were at IJN in early August 2008. I will never get tired of doing so to chat with you all night long with old memories.. I knew you enjoyed hearing all these and with me by your side.
I could still feed her with cereal and milo when Soo King was still at CCU at 7.30am. She could still briefly chat with me and repeatedly asked me to get her bean curbs but I had ignored this which appeared as her last request... At 10am, doctor informed me the worst as Soo King could not survive for the next few hours. I dashed into the CCU and Soo King already in artifial respiration aids and in unconscious state. My tears could not be controlled at these moment seeing my dear suffering. There was even little more I could do except holding on her hands and padding on her forehead. I talked quite a lot in front of her but I did not know if Soo King could hear them.

At 2.33pm, it was raining outside the CCU and I was beside Soo King as the last moment had finally arrived. Her heart beats became so irregular and I remembered saying my last words to Soo King in which could be heard. "Soo King, I, your husband is at your side and do not worry as I will take care of the kids" and amazingly, I saw Soo King nodding his head twice before she became unconscious again. She was leaving me forever...

How do I get through one night without you as I had to live without you now
What kind of life would that be for me?
Soo King, do you know that you're my world, my heart, my soul
and with you leave, you have taken away everything good in my life
Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky, there would be no love in my life, there'd be no world left for me
I wish I can tell you once more and more that how much I really really love you..


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1997 Our Marriage

Voice of KM Chong Thursday, September 11, 2008 comments (0)




Finally, we united through our marriage ceremony on 14/12/1997. There would not be distance between us. I could still remember Soo King on the first day post the ceremony, she woke up so early to get ready the "washing water" for my parents and me (as tradition of Chinese where the wife and daughter-in law must wakes up prior to husband and parent-in law to get ready the face washing water as a sign of respect)

As a matter of fact, we prepared the wedding all through our own saved up funds without requesting any supports from both of our parents. I remembered we spent around RM18000 for this wedding and Soo King was married to me with our own earned funds. We did not manage to go for an oversea honeymoon but instead we could only spent a few nights at Langkawi and Genting Highlands but we were happy being together without bothering a grand ceremony and wealth funded honeymoon. (I must declared I owe you for this honey as I did not manage to offer you a grand ceremony and honeymoon)

There was a song I sang specially for Soo King at the ceremony and she would remember this for life. The song was made popular by Jacky Cheung with title of "My Last Name is Your Name" 我的姓氏,你的名字. She could only smiles watching me singing this song as Soo King was overjoyed accompany me throughout the singing. How I wish you could hear me singing this song again to you. Can you hear I am singing again NOW!

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1992 - 1996 Our Love Journey and Engagement

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Our Love Stories


Soo King and I had been dating once a week at weekend during her studies at BM. I would cross the Penang bridge with my old motorcycle to fetch her from the college hostel. We ride around to Mengkuang Dam, Kulim, round Penang island, stopped at food courts and hawkers center for local delights. Although we did not have great source of income yet and only possessed to have a motorcycle and could only date at the weekend, but I did remember it was the wonderful days and nights with Soo King accompanying me all the while. How do I go through all these daily routine life without you now! I will be driving alone now on..

We did not have mobile phone to contact each other, but we knew what time we would meet. Soo King would always look through the windows checking for my arrival with the motorcycle. It was these linkage that bonded us for our life journey. It is now make me realized that to be happy, it does not require to be rich or wealthy; as long as there are loves and with the one you loved, it would be the most happiest moments. I, however tends to forget these recently with the chase of materialistic wealth. I realized now but Soo King would never be with me again to share all our happiest moments, events or any achievements I am gonna to establish for you. I missed you so much, King my wife.

One of the unforgettable events took place on Soo King's birthday in 1993. We were riding the bike with foods going back to the house for a small celebration with all my house mates. It was raining heavily. Extremely heavy! Soo King was hugging tightly to me at my back and reminding me continuously to ride slowly or stop at roadside. However, I insisted on the ride to reach home. Thus, the journey made both of us deeply soaked with rains. It was really a heavy rain and seems like a test to us for our unity. We managed to reach home safely although we were totally all wet. At that night, we rommanced with our first love making. We did not have the first love making planned or inside a grand hotel room with roses etc, but the rommance and sentiment with Soo King superseded all these. Soo King was my first and so as I being the first man to Soo King. Soo King would be proclaimed as my wife as early as 1993. Soo King would always stare at me at early morning with her unforgettable eyes-staring appearance and we made loves. There were so many tiny little sweet moments including we queued for nasi kandar at roadside, counting stars at Gurney Drive, cooking session, "tong sui" at night as supper at Jelutong, movies, shopping etc. Soo King would know how to hug me at back while riding if I commented cold. It was a special hugs that only both of us would know and there would be no other will be able to do the same now. We did still remember this hug till now during our last motorcycle ride in 2008 after 15 years later. How do I go along now when I ride a motorcycle again...

The completion of her training forced Soo King to be posted to Grik as teacher in 1995. But this had not forced us to be departed as I would take the bus to Grik. It was not a straight bus trip from Penang to Grik. I would need to change at least three times to reach Grik and the journey would be around 2 - 3 hours. We would meet once or twice monthly and whenever I was in Grik, Soo King would bring home the lunch. I would be just staying inside her room like a little shy boy. She even teased me that it was like she was keeping me as pet. Soo king bought her first car (Kancil ACU3484) in 1996 and I was the first lucky man to have this car drove all the way from Kampar to Grik to deliver to my dear Soo King. She tested drive the same road from Grik town to the school (Indeed the school located in a quite a remoted area of Grik) again and again. We were even stopped by police at the bridge (a check point) as they were seeing this car going through and fore a few times in a hour (Soo King was trying to familiar the car and route). I also remembered that I washed the car for her at the roadside and she angry with me for doing so. At that time, I did not know why but as times go by, I understand and I knew she precious me and did not want me to trouble myself for the wash.


Soo King would always call me at my friend house as I was staying in university's hostel. In one of the evening, I was informed by the friend that Soo King fainted and hospitalized. I called back to the house lord and found that Soo King was doing good although nobody knew why Soo king fainted. I traveled to Grik the next day. She had been discharged earlier from the district hospital without a good diagnosis results of her condition but requested us to follow up at GH Ipoh. It was later uncovered that Soo King had quite a serious stroke incident which caused by mitral valve degeneration. It was really fortunate that Soo King could regain consciousness the next day. She was then hospitalized at GH for three weeks. I was preparing the final year last few papers examination but still manage to visit Soo King twice everyday. I started to observe that her left arm was not as sensitive as before as well as she would be slightly slower in communication post the events. These were so heart piercing painful knowing Soo King suffered such illness. She was referred to IJN since then for treatment of the mitral valve issue. I proposed for engagement in June 1996 when Soo King was recovering. I would never regret for making this propose and I would do it again if I were to choose again. Soo King, you will be still my Soo King no matter what you would be either in good health or bad.

Soo King was admitted to IJN in late 1996 to prepare for heart operation and she needed to make a critical decision! She would need to choose between a plastic valve or tissue valve as replacement of the failed mitral valve. There was a significant different between these two valves as choosing the plastic valve, Soo King would be require to be on Warfarin permanently (which may not be good for giving birth) while the tissue valve would allow her to establish her siblings and family without taking Warfarin. Soo King, however did not have this decision discussed with me prior to the consent signature of choice of valve to IJN. She chose tissue valve as she wanted to give birth for my baby and establish a family with me. "I want to give birth to our baby and raise our family!" I was greatly touched on hearing this although I did argue with her as she would be risking her life for raising a family as the tissue valve would require another surgery 10 years or so later. She insisted and it was a successful surgery. I remembered immediately after the surgery, Soo King awaken but still weak to talk. She wrote on my hand that she felt hot and wanted a fan. The ICU room is air conditioned and all I could do was using both of my palms to fan my Soo King before the nurse chased me off. Soo King would always remember this and always teased me good for "batu api". (I would always want to take care of you and be your man of guardian even though I need to use my palms to fan you. Soo King, I always do) We had our marriage in 1997 after she fully recovered. Our two hearts finally united with our not so grand but yet meaningful marriage ceremony in 14/12/1997.

There were so many choices between Soo King and I but yet we still determined the other as the life partners. The fate really brought us together. From unknown to known; From Singapore to Penang; From Grik to Ipoh; From unconscious to Mitral Valve Replacement; From friend to husband and wife, our fate had been determined. Soo King, you are my wife!

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