In loving memory of my beloved wife

Today is Sunday and as regular I will have clean-up chores for wash rooms, floor mopping, vacuum etc. Normally, Soo King would still rest on bed and join me later. When I proceed to ground floor, Soo King would be tidying the bedsheet for kids and get ready the kids for brunch.

I am vacuuming the floor and I wish as usual Soo King will be stepping down to the dining area to help me.. but Soo King would never join me again! I also started to mention to Soo King if I am to go out, coming back to home, repeatedly assuring will take care of kids, requests for forgiveness etc. I do not know Soo King could hear but this started to become my habit now.

Soo King once said "I knew I would not be able to accompany you for long, and so I would want the two kids to accompany you so you do not feel loneliness.." Soo King, I felt it now. Without you, our family would not be completed. Why you want to treat me so nice and considerate only for me? And I do not cherish the moments with you. I do not realize we do not have time and I do not know! I only once realized when you were in recovery of depression. I were holding your hands while you try to get sleeps. You would call out my name whenever you have depression feels and I would console you by staying close to you and repeatedly padding on your forehead and mention that "nothing wrong, I am beside you". And you would feel re-assurance to get back to sleeps.I remembered we were holding hands and with my hand on your shoulder giving you assurance that I was beside you. It was sweet and I knew you loved every moment I stay close to you. When I bathed you on that Monday, my heart was so painful seeing you were so skinny.. But I forgot when you are in recovering and I forgot you still need me.

I forgot! I hate myself! And I do not even manage to retrieve and retain your last photo with kids while celebrating Wei Yang's 9th birthday on 8/23/2008. I hate myself!