As usual, I drove to see you at 12.30pm so I can 'meditate' beside you for 15 mintues before I return to office. I remembered I would never have tears whenever I visited you. But it was not today! I did not know why.. but the feeling of loss suddenly came back and filled up all of myself. I could not help myself but to allow emotional burst to cry in front of you! I thought I had controlled well and started adapting for not having you beside after 3 weeks plus. I thought.. I really thought I could.. but I surrendered again today. After sitting there quietly for 15 minutes, I believed I had regained the emotional control and so I left. But then again, the depression cripped back slowly while I was driving back. The tears again rushed down as I really felt the loneliness. There was a scene played in my mind... You had informed me that the kids said when they grew up, they will likely not staying together with us and I replied, dear never mind, I will be beside you... But the reality tell me now that I will be staying beside you alone and only can consume my life with memories on you. I was driving your car and I almost wanted to let go by clashing and so I could rest and see you. However, my conscious manage to steer me back to reality, making me realized that I still have an incompleted mission.
I knew then I have depression now!
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